Jun 072017
 

Do you have a problem with shoes? Many women do. High heels are all the rage but, sadly, my days of wearing hot hoochie shoes are long gone. Even if they fit properly, I’d break my leg before the second step! Big fat feet can be a problem.

swollen summer feet

This is my left foot only HALF way swollen during the summer. 🙁

My Personal Tale of Woe

I have pretty straight size 9 medium feet. I can hear you now, “Those are NOT big fat feet!” Well, they are 3-5 months out of the year because my size 9 mediums swell in the summer. Horribly. Balloons. Can we spell G-O-O-D-Y-E-A-R  B-L-I-M-P, boys and girls? This has been going on since I was 9 years old and I’ve never quite gotten used to it. I have to keep a couple of pairs of wide or wide-wide summer shoes for when the feet get huge. Barefoot doesn’t work for everything.

Your Feet Change

Would you be amazed if I told you many of my size 4 friends have wide feet? It’s really not totally related to weight. Did you know that women’s feet grow and shrink with weight loss, childbirth and age? They do. Maybe you didn’t always have big fat or wide feet. Here’s a few ways they can change.

If you gain weight, you may need bigger shoes. I’ve been told by more than a few doctors that if you gain significant weight, you develop fat pads on the bottoms of your feet, on the sides of your feet and even in your toes. Conversely, if you lose a lot of weight your shoe size may decrease.

Childbirth causes many changes, including foot size. Sometimes, your feet shrink back and sometimes they don’t.

Aging can sometimes give you bigger feet, too. So if you were a size 7 in high school, there’s a good chance that life grabbed you by the big toe and you are no longer a size 7 now.

Cute Shoes

Let’s face it, all women want cute shoes, even those of us with big fat feet. When I was a young woman, wide shoes were definitely not cute. Now? You have a gazillion choices. And, yes, even hot hoochie heels if you can wear them! The choices are really endless and they are readily available in most places.

Brannock devices are accurate for foot measuring

Brannock Device. This is the most accurate way to get your correct foot size.

Know Your Size

In a moment, I’m going to give you a whole bunch of links where you can get really cute shoes in many sizes and widths. But before you order, do you know your accurate shoe size? Don’t laugh. Experts claim that many women actually don’t know their correct shoe size or, if they do, they stuff their feet into smaller shoes. Oh, the pain!

Find a Brannock device (see pic), you know, that thing you stick your feet in and move the top and side sliders until it fits your foot? Make sure your foot is not squeezed and you leave yourself some toe room. Have a shoe professional measure you, if possible. Nobody sees the size of your shoes so even if it’s a number you don’t like, who’s gonna notice?

Now Let’s Go Shopping

Now that you know the correct size, let’s go shopping! One of the very best places to get wide and/or large shoes is Woman Within. You can also get the shoes at Roamans or Jessica London (same parent company). They have it all. Cute sandals, high heels, pumps, gym shoes, you name it. And most of it comes in sizes 7 through 12, Medium, Wide and Wide-Wide. Check the item description of each pair to make sure the shoes you want come in your size. They also have their own brand called Comfortview. I’ve owned many. The comfort is real.

Woman Within
Roamans
Jessica London

Remember me telling you about Simply Be and JD Williams a few weeks back? They have lots of cute shoes, too, and most of them come in wide width. Some come in extra wide. When you shop from the USA websites, the sizes have been converted from the British.

Simply Be
JD Williams

Just this past Friday, we talked about Torrid. They have really, really, REALLY cute shoes, but in wide width only. And for those of you with Barney Rubble feet, they come in sizes 6 and 6.5 WIDE, very difficult to find in most places.

Torrid

Here are a few more places to look. As always, check out the item description carefully for each item you’re interested in. Many large retailers get their shoes from different manufacturers. Look for notes that say something like, “Runs small. Order up a half-size.” (Or a whole size!) And read the reviews from folks who have already purchased the shoes. That’s where you find the real scoop.

Amazon has everything, including shoes. . . tons and tons of shoes.
Limited styles but nice shoes available from Lane Bryant and Catherines.
QVC has many name brands in wide widths.
Same for Home Shopping Network.
And don’t forget the monstrous online shoe store Zappos.

The Bottom Line

If you are a shoe diva with big fat feet, you no longer have to settle for ugly shoes or basic styles. Many brick and mortar retailers are now carrying wide-width and larger size shoes. Online, the sky’s the limit! As always, once you find a brand that fits well, stick with it. Now hit the dance floor!

See ya next time!

May 222017
 

My Head ShotSelf-love. Self-esteem. Self-worth. A lot of us didn’t have much as teens. The sad part of it is a lot of us still don’t have too much. It’s a crying shame. Most of us have wonderful things to offer to this thing we call life. But many of us don’t offer them up because society tells us we don’t look “acceptable,” that we don’t fit in. . . because we’re larger or smaller than the average bear, we don’t have the right hair, we’re the wrong color or some other ridiculous reason. So we run and hide. Is this you? If it is, read on.

It’s How I Was Raised

That line was my mother’s BS excuse for why she could never change. “It’s how I was raised.” Well, most readers of this blog were raised in an age that taught us it’s all about others. Caring for and about others is a grand thing, provided you realize that YOU need some of that caring, too. Many of us didn’t and still don’t. I didn’t. It was all *them* and never me. It was instilled in me from a young age. I was fat, ugly and good for nothing. I owed my life to others because mine wasn’t worth it. And when it comes from your mother, it’s hard to tell yourself it’s wrong. Suffice it to say, by the time I was a young maid, there was nothing resembling self-esteem or self-worth anywhere near my soul.

Sometimes We Get Lucky

Despite my lack of self-esteem, there was one young man who saw through it all. He thought I was worth something. He thought I was beautiful. I still think he’s crazy, but he’s been hanging around for almost 50 years so maybe some of it’s true, eh? He taught me about unconditional love. Sadly, I didn’t understand that for a long, long, long time. It’s changing now. Better late than never, as they say.

What Society Tells Us

I probably don’t have to tell you that our culture in the U.S. says that to be worthy you should be tall, thin and preferably blonde OR have a big ass like Kim K. That’s acceptable because that turns you into a sexual object. Well, guess what? NOT OKAY. We are all worthy and sex should have nuttin’ honey to do with it.

I don’t know about you, but me, myself and I, for one, am getting tired of being told I don’t measure up. I think it’s time some of us pull ourselves up to our full height, whatever it may be, and start to show society that we can shine just as brightly as what it calls stars. I use that term very loosely. We’re the stars, ladies. We’re the ones who raise kids, work, create art, fix cars, do the rocket science (think Hidden Figures) and make this bright blue marble go ‘round.

What We Can Do

What can we do to counter society? Show ‘em they’re wrong. . . and I mean WRONG! How? Start by NOT. HIDING. Wear the bright clothing. Stand up front in the photos (very hard for me). Sing, dance, paint, do what it is you do and crow about it!!! Stick out that newly-found self-esteem! USE. IT. Don’t hide because you’re old, fat, not what society thinks is pretty or a combination of all the above. If you need inspiration, just look at my pic. I’m not any of it and I am starting to put it out there. Yeah, it’s cathartic for me, but it’s also fact. What fact? Like the old L’Oreal commercial used to say, “You’re worth it.” Yeah, I am. And so are you.

Why you should not hide or unhide

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Where are you? I know I’m not the only Old Busted Hotness around. There is strength in numbers. Start taking care of YOU if you haven’t been. Do you want a nice hair style? Get it. Would you feel better with your nails done? Get ‘em done. Want to take a college course? Go take it! Now I’m NOT telling you to break the bank here. But there are little things that can make you feel better about being you. Do them. Enjoy them. And then get out there proudly. Hold your beautiful head up high and show the world what you’ve got. STOP. HIDING. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Breaking Good

I am breaking new ground every single day. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s great. Some of it I need to try again. And again. And again. I was 40 years old before I could look at myself in a ladies room mirror because I was told I didn’t deserve to be putting on makeup and combing my hair like “normal” folks. Now when I walk into a public bathroom, I stare down that mirror!!! And, yeah, it stares back, but I no longer hate what I see. It has taken me a lot of years to get to this point. I’m just grateful I made it before check-out time.

The Point

My point is. . . . you are who you are. You are special, more special than you know. Do not check your self-esteem anywhere. Let your light shine. This world needs us old broads. They may not know it yet, but they DO. We have wisdom. We have knowledge. We have beauty. We know what it takes. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. Now it’s time to let the world know what we’ve got. Who’s with me?

See ya next time!

May 152017
 

My Head ShotPanties, undies, choners, unmentionables or whatever you call them, we all need ‘em unless, that is, you’re a commando type of gal. There are a gazillion styles out there now in all sizes. But if you don’t want granny panties and you’re not quite ready for what I lovingly call butt floss, how do you find something comfortable in between? What follows is a humorous look at my (frustrating) hunt for the perfect panties.

Body Oddities

Due to surgery and stomach muscle removal from a nasty little thing called MRSA, I am plagued with Jabba the Gut and the relatively flat ass I was born with. Therefore, while I don’t quite want grannie panties, hipsters and bikinis don’t work for me. They’re uncomfortable and create more rolls than Pillsbury. However, I do have certain demands for what is under my jeans. No tighty-whities. I was forced into white undies from diapers till I left home. I was taught you gotta be able to bleach “da curse” outta them. Well, I’ve been spayed since 1998, so no more. Now I like ’em wild and colorful!!!

My Preferences

(1) MUST be cotton
(2) MUST be stretch cotton (due to said problem with Jabba the Gut)
(3) MUST have a fairly strong waistband
(4) MUST come all the way up to my waisted line
(5) MUST not need a personal loan from the bank to afford
(6) Did I already say they MUST be loud and colorful? 🙂

The Perfect Panties That Were
My first good panties

These were the Avenue originals I was happy with for years until I found Lane Bryant’s

I found the perfect panties that met all these requirements a few years back at Avenue. And then one day I found an even better version of the style at Lane Bryant. So I started buying them there. I would wait for the semi-annual sales and buy 6-8 pair at a time.

Last year, my body told me it needed to be smaller. I have movement issues and it’s not rocket science to know that a smaller body is easier to move through the time/space continuum. The birth of a very feisty grandbaby to chase brought this home even more. So when I could pull my fave Lane Bryant panties up over my boobs, I happily trotted back to LB for new ones, a size smaller.

And then came the day that I happily trotted back to Lane Bryant to get the next size down. . . only to discover there was NO next size down. “No problem,” says I. I will simply find them elsewhere a size smaller. “HAH HAH HAH,” says the fashion industry.

What I Wanted

These are the Jockeys I wanted for history’s and other sakes, but couldn’t find in a size to fit me

I decided I needed Jockeys.  Growing up, undies were called jockeys in my home. Then I discovered that Jockey isn’t overly fond of fat folk. The largest I found were a size 7. Maybe with stretch, but as they were? Not even with a prescription! I should clarify that they don’t seem to like fat women. Their mens’ undies come in a much wider size range. Oh, and did I mention that a 3-pack is $22.50? So no Jockeys for me. I should note here that I have just discovered that Jockey does indeed make plus sizes. Of course, these cost even more and you have to order them from their website as most stores only carry the smaller sizes.

The Hunt

Finding any type of decent full briefs is a pain in the butt (yes, pun intended). I repeat. . . I will NOT wear white granny panties. Yes, I’m a granny but. . . as previously noted more than once, I like bright colors, a decent fabric and a good waistband. Yes, I am willing to pay a little more for these features. But finding it? Nobody wants my money. . . or so it seems.

First stop, the internet. I decided to search. And search and search and. . . . well, you get the idea. Yes, my searches were specific. I would put in “stretch cotton ladies briefs” and would get. . . microfiber panties, nylon panties, bikini panties, hipster panties, the aforementioned butt floss and on and on and on and on. Did you not notice, Google, that I said stretch cotton briefs? And I thought you were my friend. 🙁

Hours were spent at Walmart, Target, JC Penney, anywhere they sold ladies underwear here in Lower Cowpie Heaven. As my old ones were wearing out and/or falling down, I needed something fast. I should note here I tried a variety of specialty undies, different fabrics, cuts, etc., just in case I could fudge my standards a bit. Nope. Didn’t work.

What I Got

So I finally decide I have to buy something and pick up a package of el cheapos at Wally’s. They were high cut but it was all I could find in the size. They were very, very thin and as see-through as a sheet of Saran Wrap despite their bright patterns and colors. Actually, they fit well, but I am not a gentle old lady by any means. I tend to yank things up and down and the waistband tore on the first wearing. Oh well, they’re tucked away for when I forget to do the wash. I should note here for those who can wear them, there is a new brand at Walmart, Target, etc. called Fit For Me that are wonderful. They start at size 9. I would have adored these a few years ago.

Next came Fruit of the Loom. Good ‘ole reliable Fruit of the Loom. We hunted. We searched. We damn near threw packages of underwear on the floor looking for the correct size. Finally, my husband spotted a package that said “briefs” and not “modern briefs,” code for just try to get these puppies up above your belly button! The Holy Grail lives! Well, all I can say is that they are somewhat better than the first ones. Nicer fabric, softer. But. . . they are much larger in the size than the first batch and still see-through thin. And a few bucks more per package.

The one-offs. I have purchased singles in a variety of places, all very disappointing. Had I found one that fit all my requirements, I would have gone back and purchased every pair in the store.

My woman within panties

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner! For now, these fit the bill from WW

Catalog to the Rescue

While perusing the Woman Within catalog for my first blog review, I thought I saw something in the panty pages. I thumbed right by. Then I went back. Surely, it couldn’t be. . . BUT IT WAS! The same kind of  (yes, by all that is holy, it said stretch cotton briefs!!!) panties I had purchased at Avenue and Lane Bryant. And wonder of wonders, they came in a size smaller than what I had! A coupon made them reasonable, shipping included, so I placed an order. Panty heaven, at least for now.

How About You?

What style undies do you prefer? Why? Where do you get them? Help an OBH out here, K?

See ya next time!

BTW, I am not affiliated with any of the companies featured here. I put the links in for your convenience should you decide to check ’em out. 🙂

May 202016
 

PHOTO Empty Pockets free photoSeems like more and more people have been complaining about being out of money lately. Okay, I get it. The economy sucks. . . for most of us. But when the (formerly?) rich and famous start doing it, you have to wonder. According to TMZ, the latest celeb crying poor mouth (as we say in my home town of Philadelphia) is David Hasselhoff, The Hoff, the former star of Knight Rider, Baywatch and lots of other things. The Hoff claims to only have $4,000 to his name. He’s broke.

Let’s take a look at what it means to be broke. Since Google is my friend, I pulled up a screen and typed in “definition of broke.” Google says:

broke (adjective)  having completely run out of money.

synonyms: penniless, moneyless, bankrupt, insolvent, ruined, down-and-out, without a penny to one’s name, without a cent, without one red cent, without two pennies to rub together.

Penniless, moneyless, insolvent, down-and-out, having completely run out of money. Got it? I know I sure do. Been there/done that/gladly accepted the government cheese.

PHOTO David Hasselhoff

Poor Hoff. He’s broke. Or so he wants us to believe. He only has $4,000 left to his name. In the days of raising my kids, there were many times I had to figure out how to feed them when I only had FOUR DOLLARS left to my name. But, yeah, I know I’m a lowly peasant and not Hollywood royalty, those who deserve an affluent lifestyle due to the worship of the sheeple. (Ooops…sorry. Too early for that degree of snark.)

So. . . he’s broke. Or should we make that cash poor? I still don’t call only having $4,000 cash poor, but, hey, what do I know? And then I read a little farther down the TMZ article and. . . the voice of an infomercial barker resounds in my head.

But wait. . . . there’s more!!! There’s the minor detail of having $1.79 million in non-broke assets, like “real estate, retirement savings, cars, jewelry, art and other odds and ends.” Oh yeah, that’s B-R-O-K-E. We should all be so broke!

Oh, and did I mention that the article says he makes $112,000 a month, but spends $66,000 of that? So he has practically nothing left when he gets done paying his ex, shelling out living expenses and spending his $66K. Poor baby can’t save a penny. What the hell do you spend 66 grand a month on? I won’t go into how many people don’t make that in a year, yet alone count it as chump change.

So what’s a poor, broke actor to do? Petition the court to reduce support payments to his ex, of course!

SURPRISE! She’s not buying it. She says he has lots more than that $1.79 mill in property all over the world. Grab a beer and some popcorn, folks, so you’ll be ready for the bitch fight in court at the end of the month.

You know what’s the worst part in all this? People feel SORRY for someone who came to fame on his looks and the fact that he reads lines well and who now ONLY has $4,000 in cash plus $1.79 million (and possibly more) in assets. THEY FEEL SORRY FOR HIM!!! I just sit here, tapping on keys to make a living, shaking my head.

Hoff, I have some advice for you from a fan, me, one of the real people out there who knows what it’s like to be truly broke.

Have a yard sale, dude!

And just so you know, Hoff is not alone in this phenomenon known as “crying broke.” Congress is currently bitching that they can’t live on $174,000 a year. Do NOT get me started on that.

OBH over and out.

Sep 192014
 

“WHY IS THAT WOMAN STILL IN MY HEAD?” I shrieked, as I threw my vividly purple and very expensive pocketbook onto the car seat. All I heard was my mother’s voice, in her trademark sneer, saying, “Don’t you think you’re a little too effin’ old to be carrying a bright purple pocketbook?”

I’m editing as not to offend. She had a mouth worse than two ships full of sailors.

“No, Mom, I don’t”.

Gone But Not Forgotten

My mother passed from this earth eight months ago. Her legacy is still with me, I’m afraid. The legacy of me being fat (true), ugly (debatable) and no good for nuttin’ honey (WRONG-O!). I can still hear her like she is standing next to me. It still hurts like hell, too.

A Time To Forgive

When I knew she was dying, I realized what I had to do. I had to find a way to forgive her. Did I want to? HELL NO!!! I screamed, cried and cursed quite creatively in multiple languages all the way home that day. But I knew it had to be. I had to do it for me, the one who would go on and not for her, the one who was leaving.

Back I went the next day. I stayed outside for a long time, not wanting to go in. After a while, I steeled myself and headed back to her bedside in the ICU. I’m pretty sure she was conscious, but it really didn’t matter.

It took me a few times to get the words out and mean them. I felt like Fonzie in the old “Happy Days” show, you know, the guy who could never say he was sorry. Finally, I looked straight at her and said, “I forgive you.”  It was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done.

The last request she made of me was to sign the papers to put her in hospice. I did what she asked. She died two days later.

Sister, Sister

The really hard part was that till the day she died, she never had a kind word for me or my sister. We never knew how she played us off against each other almost from the beginning. There is an eight-year age difference between us so early relationships weren’t close. We never found out the extent of her games until it came time to bury her. Now we are trying again. We can’t get all those years back, but we can try to create new ones. . . as sisters, not enemies.

Things Left Unsaid

So, yes, Mom, you’re forgiven. I really DID mean it that day. However, there are a couple of things I still want to say to you.

Mom, I like purple. You’ve always known that. At some point, you decided to buy everything in purple and rub it in my face. Okay. I can accept that.

Yeah, I like Dooney & Bourke pocketbooks. It’s my one cave-in to irrational spending. You liked expensive things, too.  Lots of them. Daddy made sure you always had what you wanted.  I can accept that.

What I can’t accept is how you ran up $30,000+ in debt to copy me and everybody else and then just didn’t pay it. Now they come after me for it, even after you’re gone. I send them to the cemetery. They’re welcome to whatever they can collect from you there.

I still hate all those names you called me, Mom. Your mother is the one who is supposed to love you when nobody else does. Okay. I’ll accept that, too. I often wonder, though, how you taught me to be compassionate, kind and loving while being a hateful, spiteful bitch. One of the mysteries of the universe, I guess.

Now that I think about it, it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of the universe. You’re gone and we’ll be here for however many more years we have to try and rebuild what you tore apart. What does matter is that I am going to work harder than anything I have ever worked at in my life to rid myself of your voice.

Mom, one of your common rants was that I never listened to a word you said. You were wrong. I heard every. single. word.

But maybe. . . just maybe. . . you’re finally right.

Sep 182014
 
A 13-year-old was asked to remove her Virginity Rocks tee shirt in middle school.

There’s a story in the news this morning about 13-year-old Chloe Rubiano, an Arkansas middle school student, who was asked to change the tee shirt she wore to school recently. What shocking message did this shirt convey? “Virginity Rocks.” Her school considered it disruptive.

Middle Schools Today

Really?  A message of virginity in middle school is adjudged to be disruptive? The school claims it would lead to discussions of sex. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but lots of things can lead to a discussion of sex in middle school. These kids are what, 11 to 13? Hormones are awakening, folks!

BTW, middle schools hand out condoms and help students get abortions. And you can’t even mention the word virginity? Does it cut down on the condom business?

What’s The Dress Code?

Now turning to the school’s side, it they have a dress code which prohibits the wearing of any message tee shirt, that’s a different story. If that’s the case, they were right in asking her to remove it. It should be noted that Chloe, being the good girl that she is, changed into a gym shirt at the Vice Principal’s request.

A Fix For The Problem?

Maybe the answer here is to just side-step the question and prohibit all message tee shirts. Some schools in my area do it. A lot of public schools now wear uniforms, too.  Problem solved. But is it, really?

Would “Virginity Rocks” disrupt class?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I haven’t been 13 in many, many years so I’m really not sure.

Our World Is All Sex, Sex, Sex

However, with the emphasis in our culture on sex these days, why is someone prohibited from an opposing viewpoint?  And, come on, this kid is 13! Yes, I’m an old fart. Sorry, but I do NOT believe 13-year-old kids should be doin’ it.

Am I trying to squelch their sexual freedom? No, not really. I just think you need to understand a bit about what you’re doing, not simply insert Tab A into Slot B.  I feel that there’s too much at stake for a child’s mental state at this age if you throw the sex thing into it.

At 13, I was still more concerned with friends, sports and music than sex.

But what do I know? I’m just Old Busted Hotness.

 

Sep 172014
 

AARP is announcing that they have designed a tablet especially for apparently stupid Baby Boomers. It’s called the AARP RealPad Tablet.

Not Enough Tablets In The Market?

How many tablets are out there on the market right now? I have no idea, but I know they are made by Apple, Samsung, Acer, Asus and my favorite, the MS Surface 2. I have seen them as cheap as $49 so I’m sure there are many more.

AARP says the RealPad Tablet is designed for the over-50 customer who is a “more apprehensive technology user.” Really? I know lots of over-50 folks and they are pretty technology savvy.

What Makes This One Special For Boomers?

The RealPad Tablet has built-in tutorials which are supposedly designed to help educate users, as well as adding a “RealQuick Fix” feature which is a trouble-shooting menu. And if you still don’t know what happened, there will be phone/online 24/ support. No word yet on if this support is included in your purchase or it comes at an additional charge.

Should I Be Insulted?

Maybe I’m reading this wrong, but I’m sorta kinda insulted by this. I never had a tablet until last summer. I got an iPad Mini. It ultimately wasn’t what I wanted, so I traded up to a MS Surface 2. Guess what? I figured out the iPad Mini and then I figured out the Surface 2.

And the Surface 2 had the dreaded Win 8 on it, too, something I never used before. No problemo! Took me about 15 minutes to get around on it.

I am a pretty average computer user. I know my way around my computer and a variety of laptops, including a Chromebook and now the Surface 2. And. . . GASP, HORROR, SHOCK. . . I’m over 60! While not a complete technoeejit, I don’t consider myself particularly technically adept either.

I can, however, figure out which buttons to push, be it on a laptop, keyboard or touch screen. Is it that hard that we need a special tablet that screams OLD FART???

Deets If You Want One

However, if you feel the need, the RealPad Tablet will sell for $189. You can pre-order it now or wait for a few more weeks. It will be on sale at Walmart in mid-October, complete with a one-year AARP membership included.

Technical specs:

  • 1.2GHz Intel Atom processor
  • 16GB memory
  • Android 4.4 KitKat OS
  • 7.85-inch display
  • 5.0 megapixel rear camera
  • 2.0 megapixel front camera
Sep 012013
 
No more sensible old lady here!

No more sensible old lady here!

This morning, I was perusing an online Avon brochure when I came to the bras. The featured bra was described, in large letters, as “soft and sensible.”  There was this beautiful young girl wearing what was obviously an old lady Playtex bra. She was looking oh so happy. Obviously, she’s an actress.  My age starts with a six and I wouldn’t wear that thing!

It made me think.  I don’t want to be soft and sensible!  Okay, maybe soft, but I am so sick and tired of being sensible I could scream! I want to be wild. I want to be out there. I want to be anything BUT sensible. I want to see and do things I wasn’t allowed to do as a girl. I want to have adventures I would never have dreamed of as a young woman because somebody might notice me or, worse yet, make a comment!

At this point in my life, I’m like. . . bring it on, baby! I used to say, “When I’m older, I’ll do X, Y and Z.”  It was always “when I’m older.” Well, all it takes is one long, hard look in the mirror to know that I am older and it’s time to break out of that sensible mindset that’s held me prisoner for so long.

Now please don’t misunderstand me.  I’m not planning on running down the street naked and screaming obscenities or anything like that.  It’s just that I no longer care to buy the black dress; I want the purple one or the zebra print! I no longer want a black handbag and shoes.  I want prints and bright colors, things that sparkle, the wilder the better!

I want to go places reserved for younger folks, places where “they” think old folks shouldn’t go. I want to go to concerts and not the ones for old farts with groups who can barely make it on stage because they’re older than me. I want to go on the rides at the amusement piers. I want to do it ALL before I die.  Tempus is fugiting rather quickly at this stage of the game so I need to get busy.

The last thing I want to be is sensible, but my mind is fighting me. That sensible mind of mine guides my hand to the brown eye shadow instead of the purples and greens I love. It sends me to the “old lady” racks of clothes instead of the fresh, young kicky stuff I long to wear. It’s screaming at me as I stand in line to buy tickets to some band whose members are about the age of my grandkids.

I have to shut it up. No, I must shut it up! There are things I want to do yet, things I need to do. There are things I want to learn. I want to be the one who proves that you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks.

The one thing I do NOT want to be is sensible. Strange, eccentric, a little daft, maybe, but not sensible.  Anything but that! No more sensible for this old lady. It’s been a long time coming, but sensible will now give way to all those adjectives in the beginning of this paragraph; in other words, the real me. It’s finally my time.

Jan 172013
 

Click here to unsubscribeYou know you’ve done it, too. In a moment of whatever, you’ve clicked on that “subscribe” button on some site, be it to get points or a free report or any number of things. And before you know it, you have 500 emails in your inbox every morning. Well, I have six or seven email boxes so when you do the math. . . let’s just say it was starting to get to me. And I hardly even looked at half of them.

I decided to clean up my act, so to speak. I started with ones I don’t even look at, just hit the delete key as I’m scanning down the list. Then I figured I’d move on to those I look at occasionally, bookmarking the home site in case I really do want to see something. Then I figured would come the hard part, culling through the ones I do read and seeing which ones needed to be in my inbox.

But lo and behold. . . before I even got close to Curtain No. 2 above, I was hit with all kinds of. . . errr. . . stuff. You usually scan to the bottom of the email and see something like, “For easy unsubscribe, click here.” Easy, my arse! I was assaulted with forms, for the most part. Put in your email address, scan down to make sure you still receive any emails you do want, tell us why you want to go. . . WHOA! What happened to easy unsubscribe?

To be perfectly honest, there were a few. . . a very few that you clicked a button and you got an unsubscribe notice along with a thank you. There were also a few that you just had to put in your email address and then you got the same thing. These were okay.

But some of the others were just way over the top! On one, they asked me for all my personal information and it said that I couldn’t be unsubscribed without it. Guess who I’ll keep deleting? Another one wanted to know exactly what I didn’t like about their email in very specific terms. And the best one yet wanted my phone number so they could call me and “discuss my unsubscribe request.” Discuss this!

On many of them, I was furious. I figured I could just go on deleting them, but for some of the really “out there” ones, I found a contact address and gave ‘em what for. Suffice it to say I have now been unsubscribed.

The point, though, is that I shouldn’t have had to do any of that that. I changed my mind. I know you don’t want to lose a subscriber, but don’t ask me my entire life’s history or cry about my leaving. This is the internet, folks. Online business means people come and people go. If you say “unsubscribe by clicking here,” that’s exactly what I want to happen when I “click here.” Please don’t give me an argument.

In the future, there will be no more subscribing on a whim. I will at least peruse the offering and the web site to see if it’s a subject I want for the rest of my life. Why? Because it may turn into the damn “Hotel California,” ya know. . . you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. UGH!