Three Tips For Older Yarn Crafters

 Good Advice, Life's Little Observations, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Apr 182024
 

I’ve been knitting since I was five years old. My Grandpop taught me one rainy afternoon with 4 pencils and a ball of string. Yeah, I was going in circles even back then. LOL I found a book in the Five & Dime and taught myself to crochet two years later. I don’t think Grandpop knew what he created. I spent every waking moment as a child either knitting or crocheting something. All my money went to buy yarn. In high school, I was crocheting bikinis for all the skinny girls out of crochet cotton. Lining them, too! I knit enough socks to outfit an Army.

Fast forward to the present day. My age now starts with a seven and. . . well, that was then and this is now. I can barely follow a pattern. My arthritic fingers won’t make the intricate movements they once did. I still love yarn, but making anything that resembles what it’s supposed to be can be challenging. I had to develop some coping mechanisms or give it up. HORRORS!!!! So here are three tips for older yarn crafters. They help me. I hope they help you.

Two words: Stitch Markers

I can’t count a starting chain or a row of stitches to save my life these days. I simply lose track of the count. Stitch markers to the rescue! I have the kind that hook so you can use them on either knitting or crochet. If I need a long starting chain, I’ll put a marker on that chain every 10 or 20 (if I’m feeling lucky!) stitches. Makes counting and going back to recount much easier. These things are life savers if your brain these days has a lot in common with the spaghetti strainer.

Write It Down

Yeah, yeah, I know. We all think we can still remember. Funny. I do a lot of You Tube video tutorials without a written pattern so. . . . if I put it down for too long I can easily forget what I’m doing. Especially the ends and beginning of rows. I’m okay figuring out the pattern in the middle from what’s been done, but turning that row and starting the next one oftentimes goes in one side of my brain and out the other. I now keep some colored index cards at my desk or in my bag and I write down the end of one row and the beginning of the next. Just in case. You can also keep a small notebook by you if that works better.

Let the Yarn Carry the Project

I used to pride myself on elaborate and difficult stitches, in both knit and crochet. If I try it now, all I get is a big knotted mess. I just can’t do it anymore. But what I CAN do is buy fancy yarn. There are so many beautiful yarns out there, both cheap ones and more expensive, that have gorgeous patterns and colors on them. There are variegated yarns, speckled yarns, ombre yarns, sparkly yarns, hand-dyed luxury yarns and yarns that change color by themselves like Caron Cakes. Start using them. I now select easy stitch patterns with a one or two row repeat and let the yarn carry the day. Trust me. They come out looking beautiful and you aren’t ripping out your last gray hair along with your project.

Whatever you do, please don’t give up. The world needs us yarn crafters even if we’re a little slower and clumsier than we were in our youth. You can still make beautiful things. You just have to find ways that work for you. I did. Now it’s your turn. If you have any other tips for this ‘ole gal, please leave them in the comments.

Three Things That Suck About Getting Older

 Life's Little Observations, Musings, Rant Lite, Uncategorized  1 Response »
Mar 052023
 

Are you getting up there in age? Do you feel like you’re spinning the wheel on your favorite game show every time you have to pick your birth year from one of those dropdown menus? Yeah, mine is way down there, too. But before I start ranting, let me say that aging sure beats the alternative. So many were not permitted to get old and that’s sad. I’m really not complaining. BUT when your younger self was so diametrically opposed to what you are becoming today, well. . . sometimes it just pisses me off. Here are three of my top contenders in the “Things That Suck About Getting Older” category.

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Lose

Dear God, what happened to my brain? I kept a family of seven running for years without a planner or reminders of any kind. I knew all their schedules, appointments, needs and it was all stored in my head. You know what’s in there now? Some giant colander and the holes keep getting bigger and bigger.

Case in Point: I’ve been doing legal transcription for over 30 years. I know all the key strokes by heart. Well, I did. I’ll be in the middle of something, go to reach for the keys to produce the formatting I need and. . . TILT!!!! What the hell was I doing? I mean, it’s THAT bad. And I think that’s one of the worst parts of this, forgetting things I’ve been doing for decades. UGH

Slowly I Turned. . .

For those of you who’ve never watched Abbott & Costello or the Three Stooges, Slowly I Turned is an old vaudeville routine that they picked up, along with many other performers. Slowly I turned, inch by inch, step by step. . . . and so forth and so on. I’ve inserted it down below in case you’ve never seen it.

Sadly, though, SLOWLY is how I am forced to do everything now. Me and my little butterball butt used to skip right along and almost run to do everything. Man, I was quick! People used to comment on it all the time, not understanding how someone my size could run around like that. But I did. Now? Hardy Har Har. If I tried to run anywhere or even race walk I’d be face down on the concrete. In fact, I oftentimes am face down on the concrete. Forget about heels and hot shoes. My footwear wardrobe now consists of fashion sneakers and boots (without heels).  ARGH

Packaging Is Evil

In my younger days I used to shred and rip with the best of them. No package could stand up to me!!!! Trust me when I tell you that they now have nothing to fear. I usually just hand the package to my husband and he opens it. If I ever have to do it alone, there will be carnage all over the floor as I take a knife and/or scissors to the damn thing!!!! And medicine? HAH!!!! Now to be perfectly honest here, medicines did not have the dastardly childproof caps on them in my younger days. And I don’t remember blister packs either.

Of course, the Tylenol scare of 1982 changed a lot of that. Yes, meds had to be made more secure but COME ON!!!! That blister pack looks like plastic, but I swear it’s IRON disguised as plastic. I don’t even try anymore. I just grab a scissors and slash and burn. Take THAT, Mr. Blister Pack!!!! And I’m sure we all know by now that any child can get into a “childproof” cap in about a half-a-second whereas it takes me. . . much longer. If I ever need that medicine in a hurry, start getting your outfits ready for my funeral. Nice bright colors, K? No black. UGH

There WILL Be More. . .

This is just what I could think of off the top of my head. There WILL be more, I’m sure. Day by day, sometimes hour by hour, I seem to be losing parts of my former self. However, I feel some of the best parts of me are still there and always will be. Hey, a girl can hope, right? 😎

For those who have never seen “Slowly I Turned,” here’s the Stooges version. . .

Shoes, (Not So) Glorious Shoes

 Rant Lite, Rants, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Sep 082022
 

It’s been said that everything old is new again. Boy, they’re not kidding!!! I just got an ad from Nordstrom. . . . yes, Nordstrom. NOT some fly-by-night retailer for the latest trend. Actually, I’ve seen these shoes all over the place. For those of us of an age, so to speak, remember these bad boys?  And for anyone who doesn’t know shoe brands, Sam Edelman is a luxury brand. I just went and looked. . . . those black puppies on the left are $150!!!!

I could barely lift my legs the first time these were out. Now? At almost 70? Who’s playing a joke on this ‘ole broad? Someone is and I bet they’re laughing. I’m not.

Yes, It’s My Age Talking

I like old shoes, yes, but not these old shoes. I like pumps, stiletto heels (even though my days of hoochie heels are long over), elegant shoes with maybe a jeweled shoe clip, wrap wedges from the 1940s and STYLE. I like Keds and P.F. Flyers in the summer. And, yeah, this is a style, but.  .  . UGH This clunky crapola can take a hike, in my NOT so humble opinion.

Who’s Wearing This Ca-Ca?

Go to any of the websites for the name brand clothing houses and you’ll find the answer. EVERYBODY! Well, everybody under the age of 50, at any rate. Are they comfy? Probably. I seem to remember they were. Do they add height to us short stacks? Yeah, they do. Am I gonna wear ’em? HELL NO! Unless I decide it’s leg day and I can’t make it to the gym.

WHY?

Are there no new ideas out there under the sun for shoes? I realize feet are a basic shape and probably most styles of shoes have had a go ’round in the last couple of hundred years, but. . . why clunky, UGLEE shoes?

So. . . just for shitz & giggles, I went to Google Land and typed in “ugly shoes in history.”  Some of these are ancient, but a few of them are contemporary.  Maybe I should change my opinion on those Edelman loafers, eh? SIGH Okay, okay. You twisted my ankle. Now where the hell is my Nordstrom credit card? 😎

When Society Kills

 Life's Little Observations, Rants, Serious Stuff, Uncategorized  2 Responses »
Feb 022022
 

By now, you’ve all heard the story of how Cheslie Kryst, the 2019 winner of the Miss USA Pageant, took her own life. She left a note leaving everything to her mother. She wrote a post saying, “May this day bring you rest and peace.” And then she jumped from the balcony of a Midtown Manhattan high-rise.

I admit to sitting and crying as I read this story. Cheslie was a beauty-pageant winner, a TV news reporter, an attorney and many other things. Cheslie was what little girls dream of becoming and, quite frankly, that’s an amazing list of accomplishments for a 30-year-old woman. But society said it wasn’t enough. Everyone wants to know why. But I think the clues really lie in an essay she wrote for Allure magazine in March of 2021 as she approached her milestone 30th birthday.

Milestone. 30. If that’s a milestone it’s a beginning milestone. And as I’m almost 40 years older than this beautiful young woman, I’m sure my thoughts are very different. In Cheslie’s world, things were very different. Society disapproved.

NOTE: I put Cheslie’s words in italics to distinguish those words from mine. I have complete quotation marks around each excerpt as I’m not sure if these quotes are in the exact order written.

I’m Too Old

“Each time I say ‘I’m turning 30,’ I cringe a little. Sometimes I can successfully mask this uncomfortable response with excitement; other times, my enthusiasm feels hollow, like bad acting.”

“Society has never been kind to those growing old, especially women. (Occasional exceptions are made for some of the rich and a few of the famous.)”

That’s definitely truth up above, but again. . . 30 is old? Really? Society has a lot to answer for.

When Cheslie was crowned Miss USA at age 28, she was the oldest woman in history to win the title. Pageant fans immediately petitioned for the age limit to be lowered.

“A grinning, crinkly-eyed glance at my achievements thus far makes me giddy about laying the groundwork for more, but turning 30 feels like a cold reminder that I’m running out of time to matter in society’s eyes — and it’s infuriating.”

“Society’s eyes.” Society once more. Running out of time? She had her whole life in front of her. Cheslie, you mattered. You mattered in the eyes of your family and all who loved you. You mattered to all of the little girls who watched that pageant and wanted to grow up to be just like you. Your life mattered. Screw society.

Growing Old Is Supposed To Be A Treasure

“After a year like 2020, you would think we’d learned that growing old is a treasure and maturity is a gift not everyone gets to enjoy.”

“Far too many of us allow ourselves to be measured by a standard that some sternly refuse to challenge and others simply acquiesce to because fitting in and going with the flow is easier than rowing against the current.”

Oh, how well I know this one from my own family. Took me way too long to realize there’s no shame in being different. It’s even refreshing in this day and age of cookie-cutter people.

Norms

“I fought this fight before and it’s the battle I’m currently fighting with 30. How do I shake society’s unwavering norms when I’m facing the relentless tick of time? It’s the age-old question: What happens when ‘immovable’ meets ‘unstoppable?’”

Here we go again. “Society’s unwavering norms.” Society. Who IS society? When did it start caring about people? The answer is that society doesn’t care. It just sets a false standard that most are afraid to challenge. Cheslie challenged it. She should still be here fighting the good fight.

Attorney, MBA, Pageant Winner, TV Host – Sorry, Baby, Not Enough

Please keep in mind that this beautiful young woman earned a law degree and an MBA at the same time at Wake Forest University. She was a track athlete in her undergrad years at the University of South Carolina.

“I joined a trial team at school and won a national championship. I competed in moot court; won essay competitions; and earned local, regional, and national executive board positions.”

“I nearly worked myself to death, literally, until an eight-day stint in a local hospital sparked the development of a new perspective.”

“I discovered that the world’s most important question, especially when asked repeatedly and answered frankly, is: why? Why earn more achievements just to collect another win? Why pursue another plaque or medal or line item on my resume if it’s for vanity’s sake, rather than out of passion? Why work so hard to capture the dreams I’ve been taught by society to want when I continue to only find emptiness?”

Cheslie Kryst was the American dream. She busted her ass to obtain the trophy — the degree or, in her case, DEGREES. Isn’t that what we are taught is important? Grab that brass ring at all costs. Who taught us? In some cases our parents, but in many. . . society, but only if you do it when and how they want you to.

Beauty Is Not Always In The Eyes Of The Beholder

Here’s another part of the equation. Cheslie won her title with a “five-foot-six frame with six-pack abs” and a “head of natural curls” while “pageant girls are supposed to be model-tall and slender, don bouffant hair, and have a killer walk.”

“My challenge of the status quo certainly caught the attention of the trolls, and I can’t tell you how many times I have deleted comments on my social media pages that had vomit emojis and insults telling me I wasn’t pretty enough to be Miss USA or that my muscular build was actually a ‘man body.’”

So society taught her she didn’t count because she didn’t fit what the gawkers wanted to see. She was black with black hair. She was shorter than most. She had an athlete’s body. And she was SMART. Can’t have SMART women running around despoiling their beauty, eh? And to add insult to injury, she wasn’t afraid to speak her truth.

She Had An Opinion (SHOCK, HORROR, GASP!)

“Women who compete in pageants are supposed to have a middle-of-the-road opinion — if any — so as not to offend. I talked candidly about my views on the legalization of marijuana, the Trump Administration’s immigration policies, anti-abortion laws, the confirmation of Justice Amy Coney Barrett, and the successes and failures of criminal justice reform.”

Cheslie Kryst spent her 30th birthday in her apartment, “parading around in a black silk top, matching shorts, and a floor-length robe while scarfing down banana pudding and screening birthday calls.”

“I even wore my crown around the apartment for most of the day knowing I’d have to give it back at the end of my reign as Miss USA. I did what I wanted rather than the expected.”

“Now, I now enter year 30 searching for joy and purpose on my own terms — and that feels like my own sweet victory.”

And Now Her Light Is Gone

I wish I knew what happened to take that “sweet victory” away from this amazing young woman, why she thought she had no other choice but to jump off that balcony. I pray comfort and peace on all who loved her.

And I call down curses on “society,” this narrow segment of the population who feel it’s my way or the highway — no highway option. Conform or else. Cheslie chose the “or else” and we are all the worse for it. But while she was here with us, she spread her light. We needed that light. Damn society straight to hell!

Society Kills

Society kills. I shudder to think who its next victim will be. Please don’t make it you. If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours: 800-273-8255.

The night of Cheslie’s “sweet victory.”

(Don’t) Give Me A Head With Hair

 Life's Little Observations, Rant Lite, Rants, Uncategorized  No Responses »
Jan 292022
 

Those of you of an age will know where that title line came from. That lyric came from the musical “Hair” way back when. All of us who were hippies can relate. Hair became the end-all-be-all of both women and men alike. Shampoo, conditioner and specialty product sales went through the roof in the 60s and 70s. And EVERYBODY wanted that streaming, flaxen, waxen hair.

🎵Gimme a head with hair
Long, beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming
Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there (Hair!)
Shoulder length or longer (Hair!)
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy
HAIR!!!! 🎶

In The Olden Days

I am a teen of the 60s. You know, the days of Cher and Twiggy, right? I had long hair, but it was curly. I spent my entire allowance on a product called Curl Free, which didn’t really work on me, but hope springs eternal. I wrapped my hair on orange juice cans and slept with the devil’s own headache to get it to flow and not kink up. HAH! Who remembers the pink tape? You used to wrap your hair around your head, i.e. using it as a big roller, and tape it down. So much easier to sleep on but after about 20 minutes my curls were bouncing once again. And we won’t talk about how many times my mom chased me with a hair brush, trying to beat my ass for laying my hair out on an ironing board. Ahhhh yes, good times.

Now I’m an old lady and I would LOVE my curls back. Sadly, due to illness, age and a few other things, my hair fell out. SHOCK, HORROR, GASP!!!! And it’s not only me. While searching for a hair loss group on Facebook, I found an entire world of female hair loss out there!!!! And the wig groups. . . oh my. Some folks like wearing wigs for fun. That’s great, provided there’s something underneath that wig. But for many of us, there isn’t. And therein lies the rub, as they say.

What Society Teaches Us

Women are supposed to have long, luxurious locks. That’s what makes us women, right? Our worth is in our hair. Let me be the first one to call a great big BS on that. It’s just like your size. Only certain sizes and looks qualify to get you in the hottie club. These days, it seems you either have to be a Taylor Swift. . . tall, skinny & blonde. . . or a Kim Kardashian. . . dark, sultry and all T&A. Not one of those? Oh well, you don’t count.

So If You Lose Your Hair. . .

But let’s get back to hair. If you have not experienced hair loss for ANY reason, be thankful. Women bust their bank accounts to zero purchasing products found on the internet or in doctors’ offices that don’t work. Oh, sometimes they do, but most times they don’t. Minoxidil, once a heart drug, is now the holy grail of hair loss. Does it work? For some it does. For many it doesn’t. There are lots of other drugs docs prescribe for hair loss, too. But. . .

Depends on how you lost your hair. Many women lose their hair from chemo. That usually grows back. There are many other reasons women lose their hair. In my research I learned that there are as many kinds of alopecia as there are stars in the sky. They each have their own pattern of loss and other symptoms. Some can be helped, some cannot.

If you’re getting the idea that your hair pattern is a crap shoot, you’d be right. The problem is women are valued for their hair. I’ve seen the stories of women who attempted suicide due to hair loss. I’ve also seen women crowing about weight loss while they have Stage 4 cancer, that they finally lost weight. HUH? Girl, if you have Stage 4 cancer you have more things to worry about than losing weight.

My Solution. . . May NOT Be Yours

Sadly, I’m not immune to all the crapola. I’ve bought more than my fair share of non-working “cures.” I’ve bought tons of wigs, some of which I liked and some which I didn’t and passed on. And then a light bulb went on in my brain and it said, “Cut your losses and shave your damn head!!!!” So one night, while the urge was upon me, I asked my husband to take a clippers to my head. I thought I would hate it. I thought I would cry, scream and hit people. I didn’t. I just went to bed. The next morning I put on a hat and that was that. Pretty soon, the hats started coming off. I don’t wear a wig every day either, although my new “do” sure makes it easier to wear a wig!

The Moral Of This Long Tale Is That. . .

✨Female pattern baldness exists.
✨Alopecia in many varieties exists.
✨Snake oil salesmen are out there because they know how vulnerable women are.
✨There is helper hair out there, sometimes better than your own was.

AND. . . THE BIGGIE. . . YOU ARE NOT YOUR HAIR. . . YOU ARE YOU!!!!

You hair or lack thereof does not make you a subpar woman. What’s inside you makes you who you are. If you’re a POS, I don’t care how gorgeous your hair is. You’re still a POS. People should be accepted for their uniqueness and qualities. Sadly, we’re not. We are a very superficial society. However, I have decided to stop playing. Now I do me. And if you don’t like it, you can look in a different direction. You have lots of choices. Keep it up and you will get my mouth and I warn you. . . I passed Profanity 301 with flying colors in a couple of languages. I may be old, but my middle finger still works just fine.

Beautiful Ladies, you are NOT your hair. You are your brains, your heart, your capacity to love, your inner strengths. In other words, woman, you are the bomb dot com!!!! Please don’t make yourself something less because you are too fat or too skinny or. . . heaven forbid. . . your hair is falling out. That’s the icing on the cake that is you. And the cake part of that you is pretty yummy. People need to take a bite of that cake and forget that the icing up top can be fake.

I love my wigs, but bottom line. . . I love ME. I’m a complete woman, with or without hair.

And, yes, that pic at the beginning of this rant is me in one of my favorite wigs.  🙂

And here’s that dastardly song that started all this hair *stuff*. LOL

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