May 262017
 

Most of my readers on this blog are well over the age of consent or, as I like to think about it, aged to perfection! However, our warped society calls us old. So, yes, I’ll accept that. I’m not sure I’d have it any other way. I will display my wrinkles and flap my arms proudly. I’ve earned it all.

Dreaming

Wouldn’t I like to be young, svelte and HOT once more? I guess somewhere in a dream state. Yeah, I was young, but I was never svelte or what was considered hot. I was me. I was a nerd. I was dependable and loyal but definitely not the object of any young man’s dreams. (Well, maybe one and I married him. LOL)

 The Brutal Attack of the Old Age Fairy

I was one of those disgusting folks who was carded in a liquor store until I was 35. I had what the relatives lovingly called a “baby face.” And I held that well into my 50s. Nobody ever guessed my age correctly, including doctors.

But when I turned 60, the Old Age Fairy attacked and waged a shock and awe campaign on this gal. 🙁 To this day, I don’t know what I did to piss her off so badly, but she hit me and hit me hard. I went from nobody believing my senior discount cards were mine to being chased by clerks trying to hit me over the head with the discount.

How old I am joke

Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

The day after my 60th birthday I discovered jowls and a turkey neck. Wrinkles appeared where there were none before. And although almost every hair on my body fell out, my chin decided to make up for it. You know that song about, “Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”. . . . well, you could substitute the word breasts for ears. And then there are those arms. I never knew I was related to Rocky the Flying Squirrel!

Who Ya Gonna Call?

The hard answer is there ain’t nobody to call. You learn to adjust. You learn to live with it. We can’t do much about getting old unless you can afford plastic surgery and that is still a temporary fix. You have to start taking a bit better care of yourself. If you don’t moisturize now, you’re gonna turn into an alligator.

Reality

The reality is that I’ve been blessed with a long life. It hasn’t always been good, but it hasn’t always been bad either. It’s been. . . life. Ups, downs, all-arounds. And so now I’m coasting on the down side. It’s okay.

So What Does One Do?

Enjoy it. What other choice do you really have? Age brings some wisdom. Not much, but some. Consider yourself lucky to have lived this long. Wake up every morning and be thankful. Enjoy your day. Not always easy, I know, but. . .

Now It’s Your Turn

When did you notice you had gotten old? What happened? What parts of you are old? LOL If you would like to share, please leave a comment. I promise not to giggle.

See ya next time!

Jul 202016
 

This girl is happy with losing weight, but it's not so easy when you're old!I’ve been fat for as long as I can remember. I was a chubby baby, a fat toddler, larger than the average bear in elementary school, nowhere near Twiggy in my high school years and. . . . well, you probably get the idea. I’ve been up and down 100+ pounds in my life more times than I’d like to admit to. However, the changes never bothered me until now. Losing weight in old age is definitely not the weigh (pun intended) to go, unless you have a drawer full of Spanx.

Let me first say that if you need to lose weight at any age, do it to get healthy. And the younger you do it, the better off you’ll be. I was told by a dermatologist that once you hit 35 or thereabouts, your skin doesn’t shrink back nicely anymore. Well, if it doesn’t do it at 35, let me tell you that you’re in deep doo-doo when you do it way, way, WAY past that point.

After struggling for 10 years or so at weight loss, I found a way of eating that worked for me. It’s slow, slow, slow but I have managed to drop a little more than 40 pounds over the past two years. Congratz are in order, right?  Not so fast.  Let’s do a pro/con analysis of the results.

The Nice Pros

I’m healthier. This is the most important part of the whole thing. My BP is down. My blood sugar is in good control. I move more easily.

I can Zumba! I love Zumba and after gaining enough weight, it became history with my mobility issues. Now I can Zumba once more. We won’t go into what I look like doing it, but I CAN do it.

I can buy clothing in the regular size department. Going from a 2X-3X to a size 14-16 is great. I’m not gonna lie about it. Mainly for access as it’s still easier to find a large than the X sizes in small town USA.

The Big Con

Everything I own is sagging, bagging or otherwise swinging. This ain’t funny, Universe!

Shall we talk flying squirrel arms? HAH! Mine will still be waving good-bye to you once you are not only out of town but out of the county and possibly out of the state, depending on the direction you’re going.

My thighs no longer rub together except at the very top. This should be a good thing, right?  Well, it would be if they didn’t slap each other about on each pass.

My neck. This shouldn’t even be discussed. Let’s just say I will give your next Thanksgiving turkey a run for his/her money.

Jowls? My basset hounds keep looking at me like, “Yeah, she’s trying to join our pack!!!”

My butt jiggles! I never had much of a butt to begin with, which is why I’m still aching from a fall two weeks ago. What I have left is now sliding down the backs of my thighs and jiggling when I walk.  Yes, join me in Ewwwwwwwwww!

And now we come to Jabba the Gut. I never had a totally flat stomach, not even close, but after multiple abdominal surgeries and the removal of most of my stomach muscles due to MRSA, the now almost empty skin slaps against the tops of my thighs and WORSE. (Best left to your imagination.)

To put it bluntly, I challenge any Sharpei to beat me at the latest wrinkly dog beauty pageant. They don’t stand a chance!!! Go out naked? HAH HAH HAH  I’d be in jail for murder as folks who saw me would literally die laughing. At the very least, they’d be buying out the world’s supply of eye bleach.

So what to do except look for ways to buy sufficient shares in Spanx to take me through the rest of my saggy baggy life?

My beautiful grandbaby will have an ACTIVE Nana!!!ENJOY IT!!!  Everything above is in fun, yet absolutely true. Still, I’m better off like this than I was before. I don’t believe you have to be thin to be healthy but, for me, at this point in my life, I’m healthier. And while I’m way past the age of worrying about keeping up with the Kardashians, my goal is to be able to run around with my new grandbaby when she is able, like my beloved grandmom did with me. Not a bad goal, actually.

 

I have a long, long way to go to be considered thin or even normal. Will I get there before I leave this earth? I honestly don’t know.  Film at 11. . .

Now where did I put that full-body Spanx?

OBH over and out!