May 312017
 

My parts don't matchDo your parts make up the classic female figure? You know, the one with the defined waist and matching bust and hips, ye olde 36-24-36 Marilyn Monroe ideal, give or take a few inches (or a few dozen inches).

Mine don’t. Simply put, my parts don’t match. So if you’re like me, finding a good fit is possible, but it’s gonna take some superb investigation skills to find clothes that you love and clothes that fit.

Jabba the Gut

I joke a lot about Jabba the Gut. When it comes to dressing, though, Jabba is no joke. My stomach muscles were surgically removed due to MRSA. I am lucky to be alive. I realize that. But, sadly, I tend to look about 16 months pregnant without the Spanx I wear almost 24/7. Pants are a particular nightmare. I get them on my legs and up to my hips, yank up the back over my (flat) butt and then Jabba does his best Gandalf imitation, screaming YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! Seriously.

The Body Shapes

According to the fashion industry, female bodies come in basically four shapes: apple, pear, hourglass (the lucky ones), and rectangle. I was always told I was an apple. Found out later I was more of a larger rectangle. Never had much of a defined waist, even before Jabba came on the scene. The hourglass is the most desirable female figure but the pear shape is the most common. A lot of the plus-size models that are super popular right now are simply hourglass gals blown up a bit from the standard size. All shapes have fit problems, even the desired hourglass who may not want to look so. . . . well. . . .hourglassy!

See how your parts don't match

Pear shapes have well-defined upper halves and usually smaller waists, wide hips, a bigger butt and meaty thighs. Making both halves look good at the same time is the challenge.

Apples (sounds like a fruit salad, eh?) need to define a shape. I used to joke. . . . hey, round IS a shape! Yes, it is and one that’s very hard to dress.

Rectangles are kind of squished in apples, more what society calls a “boyish figure” no matter what size. As with apples, the trick is to create a more defined shape.

Lest We Forget Boobs

Boobs are desirable, right? Well, men and Hollywood seem to think so, but gals who are “well-endowed by their Creator” have fit problems, too, especially when your girls are not in proportion to the rest of your body. A really good bra is a must, preferably one that supports, doesn’t gap in front and doesn’t dig into your shoulders. Although a small woman, my mother had very large breasts and she had permanent strap digs in her shoulders until she passed from this earth.

Fitting Your Flaws

When your parts don’t match, you have to learn what works for you and what doesn’t. What you like may have to take a back seat. Comfort may go by the wayside, too.

After many years of searching, I have found one or two styles of dresses I like and think look okay on me. One major defeat, however, is the dreaded elastic waist pants. Honestly? I hate them. Realistically? Not much choice. Jabba snickers. I found the best fitting pair of jeans for me have a lot of stretch. My arthritic fingers can’t do the three buttons at the top so I just yank them up and down, like they had an elastic waist. These jeans fit me about as well as anything does. Moral of the story: You win some, you lose some.

So What’s A Girl To Do?

Search, try on, search, try on. . . lather, rinse, repeat. See what you like and what you think looks good on you. Get an opinion from someone you whose opinion you truly value. Trust me when I tell you we are not always our own best advocates. When you find a brand you love and fits well, buy it up. And then next time you go to church, light candles with a blow torch and pray that they don’t discontinue the line.

Your Turn

Are you the classic hourglass (LUCKY YOU!!!) or an apple, pear or rectangle? What do you do to create a shape you like better, if anything? Do you have tips for your sisters out there struggling with parts that don’t match? Please leave a comment and help us out. I’m always on the lookout for a better fit.

As far as a perfect fit goes, though, I’m afraid it’s a bit like the X-Files. . . . the truth is out there. Problem is. . . Scully and Mulder haven’t found it yet and neither have most of us.  🙂

See ya next time!

May 262017
 

Most of my readers on this blog are well over the age of consent or, as I like to think about it, aged to perfection! However, our warped society calls us old. So, yes, I’ll accept that. I’m not sure I’d have it any other way. I will display my wrinkles and flap my arms proudly. I’ve earned it all.

Dreaming

Wouldn’t I like to be young, svelte and HOT once more? I guess somewhere in a dream state. Yeah, I was young, but I was never svelte or what was considered hot. I was me. I was a nerd. I was dependable and loyal but definitely not the object of any young man’s dreams. (Well, maybe one and I married him. LOL)

 The Brutal Attack of the Old Age Fairy

I was one of those disgusting folks who was carded in a liquor store until I was 35. I had what the relatives lovingly called a “baby face.” And I held that well into my 50s. Nobody ever guessed my age correctly, including doctors.

But when I turned 60, the Old Age Fairy attacked and waged a shock and awe campaign on this gal. 🙁 To this day, I don’t know what I did to piss her off so badly, but she hit me and hit me hard. I went from nobody believing my senior discount cards were mine to being chased by clerks trying to hit me over the head with the discount.

How old I am joke

Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

The day after my 60th birthday I discovered jowls and a turkey neck. Wrinkles appeared where there were none before. And although almost every hair on my body fell out, my chin decided to make up for it. You know that song about, “Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”. . . . well, you could substitute the word breasts for ears. And then there are those arms. I never knew I was related to Rocky the Flying Squirrel!

Who Ya Gonna Call?

The hard answer is there ain’t nobody to call. You learn to adjust. You learn to live with it. We can’t do much about getting old unless you can afford plastic surgery and that is still a temporary fix. You have to start taking a bit better care of yourself. If you don’t moisturize now, you’re gonna turn into an alligator.

Reality

The reality is that I’ve been blessed with a long life. It hasn’t always been good, but it hasn’t always been bad either. It’s been. . . life. Ups, downs, all-arounds. And so now I’m coasting on the down side. It’s okay.

So What Does One Do?

Enjoy it. What other choice do you really have? Age brings some wisdom. Not much, but some. Consider yourself lucky to have lived this long. Wake up every morning and be thankful. Enjoy your day. Not always easy, I know, but. . .

Now It’s Your Turn

When did you notice you had gotten old? What happened? What parts of you are old? LOL If you would like to share, please leave a comment. I promise not to giggle.

See ya next time!

May 242017
 

Company Name: Swimsuits For All

Size Range: They claim sizes 4 to 34 (see the commentary)

Shoes: No

Trendy: Everything from old frump to the latest designer swimsuit trends

Overall Rating (out of 10): 7

Last week, we took a humorous look at my hunt for the perfect swimsuit. Today I received a catalog from Swimsuits For All. The suits were beautiful and the sale was hot! There were no sizes listed in the catalog, however, so I hit the website.

Swimsuits For All claims they have suits from sizes 4 through 34; hence the name. They do have a lot of suits! The catalog says thousands and that’s probably accurate. My problem is with the “all.” Read on.

The Suits

Swimsuits For All has every style of suit and cover-up imaginable. You want a tankini? They’ve got ‘em. You want a bikini? Tons. You want a one-piece? Tons of tons. You want a size 34? Not so many.

The Sizing
Extended size bathing suit from Swimsuits for All

Molokai Classic Shortini, comes in a size 34, $54.60

Now before I start this, I have to tell you that I did NOT look at every single suit on their extensive website. I did search for about an hour looking for extended sizes specifically for this post. I have ordered a swimskirt from this company and it is nice for what I paid for it. It’s a size 16. I’m a very short size 14-16. (I didn’t order the 14 because of Jabba the Gut.) Most of the really good suits are up through size 22, some go up to a 24. Above that, it’s iffy and you have to hunt.

Swimsuits For All has a search-by-size bar at the top. Nice, right? You click on your size and it brings up available suits. It worked when I put in size 16. Putting in size 34 brought up mostly suits available through a size 24. I got ONE suit in size 34, pictured here. Admittedly, they are having a hot sale and a lot of sizes were sold out. Quite honestly, a decent tankini in size 34 for only $54.60 is a good deal, not to mention you can choose your top and bottom size separately. But still, I only found the one.

The Fit

The one item I’ve purchased fit well. The size charts seem to be standard ladies sizing. I would double-check the item description before ordering, though, in case there are special sizing instructions for that particular suit.

Larger size bikini by Ashley Graham

Condesa Bikini up to size 22 by Ashley Graham x, $61.60

The Price

If you wear a size 6, you can get a reasonably-priced, fashionable swimsuit pretty much anywhere. But if you want a fashionable suit in a larger size, you’re going to have to pay for it. Larger is relative. Some suits are the same price through a size 14, 16 or 18. Some brands charge more for 18 through 24. The price can increase even more for sizes above a 24.

That being said, the pricing that I saw on the Swimsuits For All website is really good. There is a sale going on right now (I suspect these are frequent) and there is also a coupon across the top of the site. The current special is free 3-day shipping with a $100 purchase plus 30 to 50% off. Not too shabby.

Special Deals

There is a coupon banner at the top of the site. There is also a “Share-A-Friend” referral form on the top of the website. When you submit someone’s email and they purchase, you both get 40% off. Nice!

Poppies swimsuit from Swimsuits for All

Beautiful Poppies sarong front through size 24, $44.80

Shipping, Exchanges & Returns

Shipping via FedEx Standard is $8.99. Other higher-priced options for expedited delivery are available. Watch for shipping specials!

Exchanges are easy. There is a prepaid label that comes with your package and you will receive an E-gift card for the price you paid (minus original shipping) that you can use to purchase a new suit or the same suit in a different size.

If you want to return for credit, you have to ship it back yourself and pay for it. Note that the suit MUST have the panty protective strip intact and be in original, as-shipped, condition with tags attached. Once your return is received, the purchase price (minus the original shipping) will be refunded to your original payment method.

My Overall Impression

Swimsuits For All has a big, flashy website with gorgeous photography! It’s definitely a fun shopping experience for something that is a nightmare for many of us. The fact that you can choose top and bottom sizes separately on two-piece suits is a big plus. Their price points seem very reasonable. Their strength lies in the variety and sheer number of suits they offer.

However, most of the choices are in sizes 4 through 22. If you wear above a 22, your choices become more limited. Still, you will find things here in larger sizes that you will probably not find anywhere else, especially if you live in a small town. Except in the larger cities, the likelihood of finding a decent swimsuit above a size 16/18 in your local brick and mortar is not good. And let’s be honest, who wants to hit the beach in an ugly swimsuit? Swimsuits For All can help you avoid that. If you don’t have your swimsuit(s) for this season yet, I think they’re at least worth a look-see.

See ya next time!

May 222017
 

My Head ShotSelf-love. Self-esteem. Self-worth. A lot of us didn’t have much as teens. The sad part of it is a lot of us still don’t have too much. It’s a crying shame. Most of us have wonderful things to offer to this thing we call life. But many of us don’t offer them up because society tells us we don’t look “acceptable,” that we don’t fit in. . . because we’re larger or smaller than the average bear, we don’t have the right hair, we’re the wrong color or some other ridiculous reason. So we run and hide. Is this you? If it is, read on.

It’s How I Was Raised

That line was my mother’s BS excuse for why she could never change. “It’s how I was raised.” Well, most readers of this blog were raised in an age that taught us it’s all about others. Caring for and about others is a grand thing, provided you realize that YOU need some of that caring, too. Many of us didn’t and still don’t. I didn’t. It was all *them* and never me. It was instilled in me from a young age. I was fat, ugly and good for nothing. I owed my life to others because mine wasn’t worth it. And when it comes from your mother, it’s hard to tell yourself it’s wrong. Suffice it to say, by the time I was a young maid, there was nothing resembling self-esteem or self-worth anywhere near my soul.

Sometimes We Get Lucky

Despite my lack of self-esteem, there was one young man who saw through it all. He thought I was worth something. He thought I was beautiful. I still think he’s crazy, but he’s been hanging around for almost 50 years so maybe some of it’s true, eh? He taught me about unconditional love. Sadly, I didn’t understand that for a long, long, long time. It’s changing now. Better late than never, as they say.

What Society Tells Us

I probably don’t have to tell you that our culture in the U.S. says that to be worthy you should be tall, thin and preferably blonde OR have a big ass like Kim K. That’s acceptable because that turns you into a sexual object. Well, guess what? NOT OKAY. We are all worthy and sex should have nuttin’ honey to do with it.

I don’t know about you, but me, myself and I, for one, am getting tired of being told I don’t measure up. I think it’s time some of us pull ourselves up to our full height, whatever it may be, and start to show society that we can shine just as brightly as what it calls stars. I use that term very loosely. We’re the stars, ladies. We’re the ones who raise kids, work, create art, fix cars, do the rocket science (think Hidden Figures) and make this bright blue marble go ‘round.

What We Can Do

What can we do to counter society? Show ‘em they’re wrong. . . and I mean WRONG! How? Start by NOT. HIDING. Wear the bright clothing. Stand up front in the photos (very hard for me). Sing, dance, paint, do what it is you do and crow about it!!! Stick out that newly-found self-esteem! USE. IT. Don’t hide because you’re old, fat, not what society thinks is pretty or a combination of all the above. If you need inspiration, just look at my pic. I’m not any of it and I am starting to put it out there. Yeah, it’s cathartic for me, but it’s also fact. What fact? Like the old L’Oreal commercial used to say, “You’re worth it.” Yeah, I am. And so are you.

Why you should not hide or unhide

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Where are you? I know I’m not the only Old Busted Hotness around. There is strength in numbers. Start taking care of YOU if you haven’t been. Do you want a nice hair style? Get it. Would you feel better with your nails done? Get ‘em done. Want to take a college course? Go take it! Now I’m NOT telling you to break the bank here. But there are little things that can make you feel better about being you. Do them. Enjoy them. And then get out there proudly. Hold your beautiful head up high and show the world what you’ve got. STOP. HIDING. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Breaking Good

I am breaking new ground every single day. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s great. Some of it I need to try again. And again. And again. I was 40 years old before I could look at myself in a ladies room mirror because I was told I didn’t deserve to be putting on makeup and combing my hair like “normal” folks. Now when I walk into a public bathroom, I stare down that mirror!!! And, yeah, it stares back, but I no longer hate what I see. It has taken me a lot of years to get to this point. I’m just grateful I made it before check-out time.

The Point

My point is. . . . you are who you are. You are special, more special than you know. Do not check your self-esteem anywhere. Let your light shine. This world needs us old broads. They may not know it yet, but they DO. We have wisdom. We have knowledge. We have beauty. We know what it takes. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. Now it’s time to let the world know what we’ve got. Who’s with me?

See ya next time!

May 192017
 

Company Names: Simply Be and JD Williams

Size Range: Simply Be 8 to 28, JD Williams 6 to 28, all one price! (US sizing)

Shoes: Yes, in US sizes 6 – 10, E and EEE fit (regular and wide) Great Boots in season!

Trendy: Simply Be is. JD Williams is a bit more classic.

Overall Rating (out of 10): 8

A nice basic baby doll dress from Simply Be

Simply Be baby doll dress $40.99

The British are definitely coming and it’s about time! I first heard of Simply Be a few years back on The Curvy Fashionista blog. I went to the website, fell in love with it and soon began getting catalogs. Catalogs for Simply Be’s *older sister* JD Williams followed. They are the same home company, but they cater to somewhat different tastes. Simply Be is younger, kickier. JD Williams, while quite fashionable, is a bit more laid back and they have absolutely gorgeous formal clothing.

The Clothing

Simply Be, as I said before, is kicky, young, spot-on fashion trendy. While I don’t get all of my clothing from them, I’ve gotten quite a few pieces. I may be Old Busted Hotness but that doesn’t mean I prefer to look old. LOL Here you’ll find all kinds of jeans, hot tops, jackets, cute dresses, swimwear, intimates, sleepwear, great shoes and some of the currently hot Brit designers like Lovedrobe and Scarlett & Jo.

JD Williams is a little more classic. The clothing is still fashionable, but it’s geared to a slightly older clientele if you go by the models and the styles. The clothing is beautiful and not quite as country club classic as, say, Talbots. However, if you need a gawjeous mother-of-the-bride-or-groom dress, take a look at JD Williams. You will also find nice day dresses, slacks, lots of tops, intimates, sleepwear and shoes.

Joe Browns vintage tie top

Vintage-look top from Joe Browns, $67.50

Joe Browns

Both companies carry the Joe Browns line. Joe Browns is kicky, youngish, boho, vintage, 60s. . . call it what you will. If you like a more retro look, Joe Browns is for you. Available in the same 8 to 28 size range, same one price strategy. I have a few Joe Browns summer dresses that I simply adore!

Sizing

Sizing is 8 to 28 and ALL AT THE SAME LOW PRICE! Sorry to scream, but this is a feature I love. I tend to patronize more stores that offer one size range and price for all. Both Simply Be and JD Williams carry some petites and talls (called short and long), mainly in jeans, pants and longer dresses. Carefully check the item description for individual lengths. Sizes are US on the links provided so no conversions necessary! One more. . . Simply Be uses models larger than a soup bone, too! (But not so much JD Williams. . . sigh.)

Fit

In my opinion, having purchased from both stores, their fit is true to size. Now that being said, I have returned one or two items to JD Williams as I purchased packages of tops and the sizing in the package wasn’t consistent. I understand retailers nowadays get things from more than one manufacturer, not to mention that sizing in women’s clothing is all over the map. (More on this in a future post.) Other than this, I’ve been pleased to find that their sizing is rather consistent throughout.

Returns and Exchanges

Shipping is free over US$40 and your order will arrive in 8 to 12 business days. Expedited tracking is available at an additional charge. Both companies offer F-R-E-E- returns, making them extra convenient to purchase from.

Beautiful Joanna Hope lace dress

JD Williams, Joaanna Hope dress, $79.99

Price

I always want to say not cheap, but compared to what? If you compare these clothing retailers to Walmart, yeah, NOT CHEAP. Guidelines are hard to give. Dresses are in the $50 to $100 range, but there are lots of coupons and ways to get things for a better price. Also, the quality and style is much better than anything you may find at Wally’s.

Jeans are in the $40 to $80 range. Both retailers have a gazillion different styles of jeans. Get on their mailing lists for coupons and sales. And don’t forget about my fave coupon place, Retail Me Not. Their credit cards give you extra discounts and rewards for dollars spent.

There are less-expensive offerings, $30 to $50 dresses and jeans from $25 to $40. Look around. You may be able to find just what you want at a very reasonable price!

My Overall Impression

Up top, I gave them an 8 out of 10. I can hear you now. . .  if you like them so much, OBH, why not run up the 10 paddle? My one not-so-happy thought is that I feel their websites are difficult to negotiate. If you get an ad from them in the email and click on a specific item, it brings you to the front page of the store. You have to hunt. Admittedly, this is a pet peeve of mine. It’s inconvenient. Searching for items is a bear, too. It feels to me like you get anything other than what you put in the search box. But if you like to browse, it’s an easy time of fun shopping. And, yes, I do love both stores!

See ya Monday!

May 172017
 

My Head ShotIt’s the time of year dreaded by all, especially by those who are not young, slim or anything close to the beauty standards of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. It’s Swimsuit Season! Are you resigned to going to the beach or pool in tank or tee and shorts? Understood. That was my summer wardrobe, too, but no more. Old Busted Hotness is breakin’ out her Old Busted Flab. (More about those boobs to come.)

I haz swimsuit!  (Me so happy. . . 🙂 )

 The Big Boob Caper
Ashley Graham bikini

Ashley Graham x Swimsuits For All Princesa Tropic Bikini, (linked in post) sale price $58

Have you seen the latest craze in plus-size swimwear? Due to the fabulous rise in body positivity, larger gals in two-piecers are proudly showing off their tummies. The models are freakin’ gorgeous and toned! My amazement comes, however, not from the tops of the suits but the tops of those models! To be more than a bit crude. . . . where’d they get those knockers? I didn’t think I was a slouch in the boob department, but I couldn’t fill those cups with my ass. Age and weight loss have taken their toll and if things don’t stop, pretty soon I’m gonna need fluffy gym socks to fill out my C cups.

Beach Pain

I remember being happy as a little kid on the beach. Truth be told, I’m always happy on the beach. But that’s before I was humiliated for being fat. Once in middle school, I had a two-piece suit. It wasn’t a bikini. It was what they called a hipster. It was green. My Grandmom bought it for me. My mother was beyond mortified. People were gonna see her kid’s fat rolls. OH, THE HORROR, THE SHAME!!! I was a junior size 11, huge in my mother’s eyes. Oh, to be that size now.

From here on out, nice tank suits were the name of the game. But as I got teased and humiliated at the beach by both men and women, I decided it was time to revert to the tank tops and shorts. . . or wrap myself in a beach towel. And as much as I loved the beach, I just avoided it. Too painful.

This is Ashley Stewart's power mesh swim top

Power Mesh Swim Top from Ashley Stewart, Reg. Price $54.50

Back to the Boob Suits

So I decided those big boob suits were just mock-ups for the model at hand and started ordering. Surely those cups couldn’t be that size in real life. Wanna bet? I looked like the old joke about the kid who proudly marches up to her teacher and announces she’s wearing a training bra. To which said teacher sweetly replies, “But what are you training, honey?” UGH

Last year, I bought a one-piece suit. It’s wearable, but the leg holes are too big and it fits a little funny. My parts are different sizes. Tankinis allow a better fit with separates. And don’t say the words “swim dress” to me. Those words scream old lady loud and clear and bring back my childhood shame. 🙁

My tankini top from Talbots

Pandora Beachy Blooms Tankini Top – Miraclesuit® available from Talbots online, reg. price $89.50

Success!

It took quite a bit of searching and returning, but. . . I finally have a great-fitting tankini top courtesy of Talbots. Yeah, the place I call the Muffy & Buffy store came through. Not usually my cup of tea. But one day, a gorgeous swimsuit popped up on my Facebook page and I clicked on it. To my amazement, it was Talbots!!! I scanned down the page and saw a tankini top in the same beautiful print. It was on sale and I got an online coupon for a massive percentage off. This place ain’t cheap! When I pulled it out of the package, I thought. . . . hmmm, maybe? And the best part? I would not need to stuff honeydew melons in the cups to fill them out. I put it on and modeled it for Ray. His eyes lit up. It’s in my drawer.

I’m planning on wearing it with a pair of black bike shorts from Fabletics. I also ordered a black swim skirt from Swimsuits for All.  And, yes, I know what I said about a swim dress, but this doesn’t look like one, even with the skirt.

So when you go to the beach in South Jersey this year, if you see a (very) short, fat old broad with caramel-colored hair sticking straight up, give me a wave. And if fluffy gym socks fall out of my bra, just palm ‘em discreetly and give ‘em back to me later, K?

See ya Friday with a great review!

May 152017
 

My Head ShotPanties, undies, choners, unmentionables or whatever you call them, we all need ‘em unless, that is, you’re a commando type of gal. There are a gazillion styles out there now in all sizes. But if you don’t want granny panties and you’re not quite ready for what I lovingly call butt floss, how do you find something comfortable in between? What follows is a humorous look at my (frustrating) hunt for the perfect panties.

Body Oddities

Due to surgery and stomach muscle removal from a nasty little thing called MRSA, I am plagued with Jabba the Gut and the relatively flat ass I was born with. Therefore, while I don’t quite want grannie panties, hipsters and bikinis don’t work for me. They’re uncomfortable and create more rolls than Pillsbury. However, I do have certain demands for what is under my jeans. No tighty-whities. I was forced into white undies from diapers till I left home. I was taught you gotta be able to bleach “da curse” outta them. Well, I’ve been spayed since 1998, so no more. Now I like ’em wild and colorful!!!

My Preferences

(1) MUST be cotton
(2) MUST be stretch cotton (due to said problem with Jabba the Gut)
(3) MUST have a fairly strong waistband
(4) MUST come all the way up to my waisted line
(5) MUST not need a personal loan from the bank to afford
(6) Did I already say they MUST be loud and colorful? 🙂

The Perfect Panties That Were
My first good panties

These were the Avenue originals I was happy with for years until I found Lane Bryant’s

I found the perfect panties that met all these requirements a few years back at Avenue. And then one day I found an even better version of the style at Lane Bryant. So I started buying them there. I would wait for the semi-annual sales and buy 6-8 pair at a time.

Last year, my body told me it needed to be smaller. I have movement issues and it’s not rocket science to know that a smaller body is easier to move through the time/space continuum. The birth of a very feisty grandbaby to chase brought this home even more. So when I could pull my fave Lane Bryant panties up over my boobs, I happily trotted back to LB for new ones, a size smaller.

And then came the day that I happily trotted back to Lane Bryant to get the next size down. . . only to discover there was NO next size down. “No problem,” says I. I will simply find them elsewhere a size smaller. “HAH HAH HAH,” says the fashion industry.

What I Wanted

These are the Jockeys I wanted for history’s and other sakes, but couldn’t find in a size to fit me

I decided I needed Jockeys.  Growing up, undies were called jockeys in my home. Then I discovered that Jockey isn’t overly fond of fat folk. The largest I found were a size 7. Maybe with stretch, but as they were? Not even with a prescription! I should clarify that they don’t seem to like fat women. Their mens’ undies come in a much wider size range. Oh, and did I mention that a 3-pack is $22.50? So no Jockeys for me. I should note here that I have just discovered that Jockey does indeed make plus sizes. Of course, these cost even more and you have to order them from their website as most stores only carry the smaller sizes.

The Hunt

Finding any type of decent full briefs is a pain in the butt (yes, pun intended). I repeat. . . I will NOT wear white granny panties. Yes, I’m a granny but. . . as previously noted more than once, I like bright colors, a decent fabric and a good waistband. Yes, I am willing to pay a little more for these features. But finding it? Nobody wants my money. . . or so it seems.

First stop, the internet. I decided to search. And search and search and. . . . well, you get the idea. Yes, my searches were specific. I would put in “stretch cotton ladies briefs” and would get. . . microfiber panties, nylon panties, bikini panties, hipster panties, the aforementioned butt floss and on and on and on and on. Did you not notice, Google, that I said stretch cotton briefs? And I thought you were my friend. 🙁

Hours were spent at Walmart, Target, JC Penney, anywhere they sold ladies underwear here in Lower Cowpie Heaven. As my old ones were wearing out and/or falling down, I needed something fast. I should note here I tried a variety of specialty undies, different fabrics, cuts, etc., just in case I could fudge my standards a bit. Nope. Didn’t work.

What I Got

So I finally decide I have to buy something and pick up a package of el cheapos at Wally’s. They were high cut but it was all I could find in the size. They were very, very thin and as see-through as a sheet of Saran Wrap despite their bright patterns and colors. Actually, they fit well, but I am not a gentle old lady by any means. I tend to yank things up and down and the waistband tore on the first wearing. Oh well, they’re tucked away for when I forget to do the wash. I should note here for those who can wear them, there is a new brand at Walmart, Target, etc. called Fit For Me that are wonderful. They start at size 9. I would have adored these a few years ago.

Next came Fruit of the Loom. Good ‘ole reliable Fruit of the Loom. We hunted. We searched. We damn near threw packages of underwear on the floor looking for the correct size. Finally, my husband spotted a package that said “briefs” and not “modern briefs,” code for just try to get these puppies up above your belly button! The Holy Grail lives! Well, all I can say is that they are somewhat better than the first ones. Nicer fabric, softer. But. . . they are much larger in the size than the first batch and still see-through thin. And a few bucks more per package.

The one-offs. I have purchased singles in a variety of places, all very disappointing. Had I found one that fit all my requirements, I would have gone back and purchased every pair in the store.

My woman within panties

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner! For now, these fit the bill from WW

Catalog to the Rescue

While perusing the Woman Within catalog for my first blog review, I thought I saw something in the panty pages. I thumbed right by. Then I went back. Surely, it couldn’t be. . . BUT IT WAS! The same kind of  (yes, by all that is holy, it said stretch cotton briefs!!!) panties I had purchased at Avenue and Lane Bryant. And wonder of wonders, they came in a size smaller than what I had! A coupon made them reasonable, shipping included, so I placed an order. Panty heaven, at least for now.

How About You?

What style undies do you prefer? Why? Where do you get them? Help an OBH out here, K?

See ya next time!

BTW, I am not affiliated with any of the companies featured here. I put the links in for your convenience should you decide to check ’em out. 🙂

May 122017
 

Company Name:  Woman Within  (a few pics at the bottom)

Size Range:  12 to 40, sizes above 24 are approximately $5 to $10 more depending on style

Shoes:  Yes, in sizes 7 – 12 W, WW, with wide calf boots also available.

Trendy:  NO

Overall Rating (out of 10):  7

For those of you who lived out of the old Lane Bryant Catalog back in the day and know that the current Lane Bryant stores have nothing in common with that catalog any longer, allow me to present Woman Within. The catalog changed its name approximately 9-10 years ago. It is now a part of Full Beauty Brands, which also includes plus-size catalogs Roamans, Jessica London, Ellos and Swimsuits for All.

The Clothing

Woman Within sells basic, non-trendy clothing. It’s a little fuddy-duddy to me, but I do occasionally purchase basics from here, including tee shirts, undies and the occasional odd garment. You won’t find anything super stylish here but you WILL find good basic pieces for your wardrobe.

They have a few cute dresses scattered throughout, but most are maxis which make my short stuff look. . . learn the term. . . F&D or Frumpy & Dumpy.  😉 Swimsuits tend towards the granny look. They have a large selection of underwear, sleepwear, basic pants, shorts, jeans, tops and shoes.  The shoe selection is where I feel they excel. Woman Within, Roamans and Jessica London carry a huge selection of large, wide and stylish shoes. (More on this in a coming post.)

Sizing

As I said, they have sizes 12 through 40. Not all clothing comes in all sizes. They have a decent number of petites. I haven’t seen many talls, if any, but their regular clothing, to me, is very long. Most descriptions give the length of the pieces somewhere in the description. I admit that I’m not crazy about the fact that a catalog geared to plus-size women charges more for extended sizes, but that’s the nature of the beast for most retailers.

Fit

I always thought their shirts ran a little snug. Some items ran big.  My point being there seems to be little to no consistency in sizing. They DO, however, offer free exchanges so, if you like something and it doesn’t fit right, you can exchange it for a different size.

Speaking of Returns and Exchanges

Exchanges are free. Returns are accepted for refund of purchase price to the original payment method within 90 days, minus $7.50 for return postage (usually through UPS drop box). After 90 days, you can still return an item but you will get a Woman Within gift card, minus the $7.50, instead of a credit to your original payment method.

Price

It’s hard to give you a guideline here because every day brings a new deal so you have to check the site. Most dresses I looked at were in the $25 to $60 range. Tops go $25 to $40 regular price. Tee shirts are cheaper. Jeans are basic and in the $40ish range. Personally, I think they are expensive for what you get. Their quality is better than Walmart, but. . . not as good as I think it should be for what they’re charging. Now all that being said, check the next section on getting a better price.

Special Deals

Oh my goodness, there are ways and ways and ways to cut the price at Woman Within and earn benes. There are coupons out all over the internet for this catalog. (Check Retail Me Not) If you sign up for their emails, you will get an immediate 40% off coupon and you will continue to get coupons. They have big sales on all major holidays, too. And they also have a refer-a-friend program. There is a page on the site where you can refer friends. When your friend purchases, they get $25 off and you get $25 in your account to spend as you please. If you sign up for their credit card, you earn $10 rewards which can be spent like cash. You can sign up on the site for a free catalog. Every time you get a new catalog, there is a discount or free shipping or a freebie on it.

My Overall Impression

The Woman Within Catalog used to be the one place a larger woman who liked mildly conservative clothing could get everything. It still is, but it is no longer the only place. While I occasionally purchase from them, much more stylish clothing can be found in lots of other places. However, if it fits you well, the price agrees with your budget and you like what you see, give them a try. The company **is** reliable and will work with you to iron out a dispute, if necessary.

See ya Monday!

Woman Within crinkle dress

Floaty, mid-length, crinkle fabric dress, $39.99 to $49.99 depending on size

 

Woman Within Stretch Jeans

Straight Leg Stretch Jeans, $29.99 to $39.99 depending on size

Woman Within Silas Sandal

Cute, up-to-date sandal in a full range of sizes, 7M to 12WW. $39.99 to $49.99 depending on size

May 102017
 

My Head ShotDo you work out? I do. If I’m being perfectly honest with you, I’d rather not but. . . I’m afraid not to. Age and illness have taken their toll and, if I sit too long, there are consequences. So off I go to the gym and yoga. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lately, I see lots of other folks there who look just like me, older and larger than the average bear. I used to go in old (lady) pants and tee shirts. But one day I looked around at all the ladies rockin’ their cute active wear outfits and decided, “Why the hell not?” I left the gym, headed to Lane Bryant and snagged me an outfit.

That First Outfit

Me in my 1st gym outfitThis was that first outfit. (Yes, my flying squirrel upper arms are showing, thank you very much! 😉 ) The mannequin was wearing the only one in my size. I stripped that gal nekkid in a heartbeat and bought it. LOL The top is royal blue with the word INSPIRE on it. I needed that. The pants are actually capris but I’m mega short, remember? They’re sorta kinda crops on me but I can yank them up to the knees if necessary. You can’t see it well here, but there is a multi-colored stripe down the side of the pants that matches the word INSPIRE.

Super comfy. Easy care. All the good stuff. And not too expensive to boot. I’m wearing a 14-16 in this pic. You will note that most of my tops will be tight around Jabba the Gut. If I buy them bigger, they tend to swim on me in all other places and make me look sloppy. So I just go with the snug middle look.

My honest impression of Lane Bryant active wear:  Good quality, reasonable price (on sale) but not a huge selection. That being said, they are getting more and more as larger women are becoming more active.

But Wait, I Need More!

I’m going to the gym 3-4 times a week. OMG, I need another outfit!!!  Back to Lane Bryant I went. Problem was they didn’t have another one that I really liked. As this blog moves forward, you’ll find out how picky (anal) I am about what I spend my hard-earned clothing bucks on. So remembering that Google is my friend, I found Fabletics.

Me in Flabletics blueFabletics is an exercise wear company founded by Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn’s daughter. She’s late 30-ish and in amazing shape. When I first heard of them, they had kind of a bad rep. They apparently made some changes because, all of a sudden, I began hearing good things about them. All the models look like Kate Hudson and not me, not by a long shot.  I didn’t know if the clothes would fit. I got a good deal through a friend, though, so I tried an outfit. When it arrived, I was like. . . uh-uh, no way.  But. . . does shuckin’ and jivin’ into compression pants classify as a workout?  It should!!!

As you can see, this one is a royal blue top with LOUD leggings. Luv me some wild prints! I’m wearing a size 14-16 which is an XL in their size range.

Fabletics is a membership site. Every first of the month they debut new outfits for that month. You have five days to decide if you want something and boy, oh boy, do the outfits sell out quick! Outfits are $49.95 and up, usually with free shipping. If you don’t make a selection by the 5th OR SKIP THE MONTH (more in a moment), they put a $49.95 charge on your credit card that you can use whenever you’d like. You can skip a month at any time. Believe me, I’ve skipped most of the months that I’ve been subscribed. SHAMELESS DISCLAIMER:  If you click THIS LINK and sign up, you get two pair of leggings for $24, which is the current sign-up special. And I get something for it, too. 🙂

My Honest Impression of Fabletics:  Great style, good fit, easy to navigate website and membership plan. GREAT NEWS!!!  They just started carrying some kickass plus sizes up to a 24. I like the leggings much better than the tops. The three pair of leggings I own are very strong and supportive. The tops not so much, but they look good!

Old Navy

Me in purple Old NavyOne day I decided I needed something new to encourage me to go to the gym. I ended up in Old Navy, attracted by a sign that said BIG SALE ON ACTIVE WEAR. I had ordered some of their compression workout pants about two years ago as they only had the larger sizes online. I was pleasantly surprised to find they were now in the store up to a 2XXL, which is about a size 20-22.  This is my Old Navy gym outfit.

The top is purple and the bottom is gray camo. The back of the top is actually mesh but it overlaps so there’s not much showing. Yeah, you can see the back of my sports bra. Who cares? I’m such a rebel these days!  (HAH!) This one was a little pricey and I wouldn’t have bought it had it not been for the extreme sale. I’m wearing a size large as the XL didn’t support Jabba the Gut. I am not comfortable with my floppy bits flopping about, especially while working out.

My honest impression of Old Navy active wear: Good styles and prints. A little on the expensive side, so  wait for sales! From my experience, the sizes are not always consistent so try it on first.

Lots of Choices

As I said in my prior post, there is explosive growth in the plus-size active wear market. You can get outfits and separates in many places, including JC Penney, Walmart, Target and other big box/mall stores. Even Nike, that staunch defender of the Just Do It thin folks, has started carrying larger sizes. (Two words:  Cha Ching!!!) It’s actually fairly easy to find active wear up to a 3X. However, if you’re larger, don’t despair! I’m doing some research into extended-size active wear. I know it’s out there and I WILL find it. Stay tuned.

Oh, do you notice my huge feet? For some reason, that and my big gut are all I see when I look at these pics. LOL  I am barely 5’1″ (if I stand up real straight and suck it in hard) and yet I wear a size 9-9.5 shoe. My mother always said I wouldn’t tip over in a storm. For some reason, the shoes look HUGE to me although I’ve worn this size shoe since I was a young woman. We’re our own worst enemies, aren’t we?

Coming Up Next

Stay tuned for the next edition of Old Busted Hotness. Fridays are going to be reviews of catalogs, stores and other places to get stylish, wearable and reasonably-priced (for the most part) clothing for us, the older, larger woman who wants to look GOOD. I get a gazillion catalogs and have purchased (and returned) many, many things. The exploration starts in two days.

See ya then!

May 082017
 
My Head ShotAnd So It Begins. . .

What begins? So glad you’ve asked. Me, OBH, a/k/a Old Busted Hotness, a/k/a Carla, is jumping into the world of plus-size blogging, but. . . with a twist. What’s the twist? This one is for us gals WELL over the age of consent. There are many excellent plus-size blogs out there but the oldest gal I’ve seen blogging is maybe 40. As many of you know, I have socks older than that. So here I am. I’m still what society calls plus-size and I’m OLD. Perfect fit. We have money to spend, too, and I am forging ahead with the intention of making us a force to be reckoned with!

So What Will This Be About?

Clothes and, more importantly, the challenges we face as we age in a body larger than the average bear. I should point out right up front here that I am militant about, “Wear whatever the **** you want.” If you want to wear goth, wear it and wear it proudly. If you want to wear something more conservative, wear that and wear it proudly. You will get my opinions and boy, oh boy, do I have ‘em! But in the end, it’s wear what makes you feel good about yourself. The gloves are coming off on, “You’re too old or too big to wear that!”

The BIG No-No

Something else I am militant about is NO BODY SHAMING. NONE, NADA, NEVER. I recently saw a supposedly fat-acceptance person shaming a thin person and what’s left of my hair stood up on end. My mind started calmly enough with the fact that nobody should EVER denigrate someone due to their size. Your weight or BMI is NOT your self-worth. And then I got mad and thought, “HOW DARE YOU???” Someone who has been made to feel less than human due to size doing that to another person? Nope, not on my watch. So if you feel the need to leave a size-shaming comment, suffice it to say your comment will be deleted, at best. At worst, you will be cursed into the next millennium!!!

Size vs. Health

One other point I want to make right from jump is that size does not equal health. I understand that excess weight aggravates some medical conditions. I’m not trying to say don’t strive for health. However, society, as a whole, still sees fat women as sitting on their collective asses and eating bon-bons all day. Nothing could be further from the truth for most of us. Want proof? Take a hard look at the increase in retailers selling plus-size active wear. If there was no market, there would be no gym clothes in 16-24 and beyond. Personally, I go to the gym 3 times a week and I do yoga once a week. I watch every bite that goes into my mouth, some due to medical problems and some due to trying to be the healthiest old fat lady I can be. Got a feisty grandbaby to chase!

The Big Why

Why am I doing this now? Because all of my life I have believed the hype that thin is good, fat is B-A-D. I have dieted until the cows come home, twisted myself into a pretzel trying to force this body into things that it was never meant for, swallowed probably thousands of dollars in miracle “cures” for fat and. . . just about anything else the so-called “experts” out there told me would make me “normal.” God, how I hate that word!!! To quote my longsuffering husband, “Normal is a setting on the dryer, nothing more.” He’s right. Why did it take me so long to learn that? Question for the ages, but I HAVE learned it. It’s finally my time. . . our time.

So let’s age together, folks. Flash those wrinkles and droopy bits proudly. If we are not what society wants to see, you know what? They can look in another direction. When I was young and a size who knows what, three guys at the beach followed me around yelling, “Look at the whale!” And I was in a bathing suit that covered almost all of me. I went home and cried. All I can say to those guys now is that if you’re still out there, don’t try it again. I’ve found my balls. Took me longer than it should have but, as the old adage goes, better late than never.

So. . . who’s with me?

OBH on Easter 2017