May 2017 - Old Busted Hotness

When Your Parts Don’t Match

Life's Little Observations, Musings, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 312017

Do your parts make up the classic female figure? You know, the one with the defined waist and matching bust and hips, ye olde 36-24-36 Marilyn Monroe ideal, give or take a few inches (or a few dozen inches).

Mine don’t. Simply put, my parts don’t match. So if you’re like me, finding a good fit is possible, but it’s gonna take some superb investigation skills to find clothes that you love and clothes that fit.

Jabba the Gut

I joke a lot about Jabba the Gut. When it comes to dressing, though, Jabba is no joke. My stomach muscles were surgically removed due to MRSA. I am lucky to be alive. I realize that. But, sadly, I tend to look about 16 months pregnant without the Spanx I wear almost 24/7. Pants are a particular nightmare. I get them on my legs and up to my hips, yank up the back over my (flat) butt and then Jabba does his best Gandalf imitation, screaming YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! Seriously.

The Body Shapes

According to the fashion industry, female bodies come in basically four shapes: apple, pear, hourglass (the lucky ones), and rectangle. I was always told I was an apple. Found out later I was more of a larger rectangle. Never had much of a defined waist, even before Jabba came on the scene. The hourglass is the most desirable female figure but the pear shape is the most common. A lot of the plus-size models that are super popular right now are simply hourglass gals blown up a bit from the standard size. All shapes have fit problems, even the desired hourglass who may not want to look so. . . . well. . . .hourglassy!

Pear shapes have well-defined upper halves and usually smaller waists, wide hips, a bigger butt and meaty thighs. Making both halves look good at the same time is the challenge.

Apples (sounds like a fruit salad, eh?) need to define a shape. I used to joke. . . . hey, round IS a shape! Yes, it is and one that’s very hard to dress.

Rectangles are kind of squished in apples, more what society calls a “boyish figure” no matter what size. As with apples, the trick is to create a more defined shape.

Lest We Forget Boobs

Boobs are desirable, right? Well, men and Hollywood seem to think so, but gals who are “well-endowed by their Creator” have fit problems, too, especially when your girls are not in proportion to the rest of your body. A really good bra is a must, preferably one that supports, doesn’t gap in front and doesn’t dig into your shoulders. Although a small woman, my mother had very large breasts and she had permanent strap digs in her shoulders until she passed from this earth.

Fitting Your Flaws

When your parts don’t match, you have to learn what works for you and what doesn’t. What you like may have to take a back seat. Comfort may go by the wayside, too.

After many years of searching, I have found one or two styles of dresses I like and think look okay on me. One major defeat, however, is the dreaded elastic waist pants. Honestly? I hate them. Realistically? Not much choice. Jabba snickers. I found the best fitting pair of jeans for me have a lot of stretch. My arthritic fingers can’t do the three buttons at the top so I just yank them up and down, like they had an elastic waist. These jeans fit me about as well as anything does. Moral of the story: You win some, you lose some.

So What’s A Girl To Do?

Search, try on, search, try on. . . lather, rinse, repeat. See what you like and what you think looks good on you. Get an opinion from someone you whose opinion you truly value. Trust me when I tell you we are not always our own best advocates. When you find a brand you love and fits well, buy it up. And then next time you go to church, light candles with a blow torch and pray that they don’t discontinue the line.

Your Turn

Are you the classic hourglass (LUCKY YOU!!!) or an apple, pear or rectangle? What do you do to create a shape you like better, if anything? Do you have tips for your sisters out there struggling with parts that don’t match? Please leave a comment and help us out. I’m always on the lookout for a better fit.

As far as a perfect fit goes, though, I’m afraid it’s a bit like the X-Files. . . . the truth is out there. Problem is. . . Scully and Mulder haven’t found it yet and neither have most of us. 🙂

See ya next time!

If You’re Old And You Know It Flap Your Arms

Life's Little Observations, Musings, Uncategorized 2 Responses »

May 262017

Most of my readers on this blog are well over the age of consent or, as I like to think about it, aged to perfection! However, our warped society calls us old. So, yes, I’ll accept that. I’m not sure I’d have it any other way. I will display my wrinkles and flap my arms proudly. I’ve earned it all.

Dreaming

Wouldn’t I like to be young, svelte and HOT once more? I guess somewhere in a dream state. Yeah, I was young, but I was never svelte or what was considered hot. I was me. I was a nerd. I was dependable and loyal but definitely not the object of any young man’s dreams. (Well, maybe one and I married him. LOL)

The Brutal Attack of the Old Age Fairy

I was one of those disgusting folks who was carded in a liquor store until I was 35. I had what the relatives lovingly called a “baby face.” And I held that well into my 50s. Nobody ever guessed my age correctly, including doctors.

But when I turned 60, the Old Age Fairy attacked and waged a shock and awe campaign on this gal. 🙁 To this day, I don’t know what I did to piss her off so badly, but she hit me and hit me hard. I went from nobody believing my senior discount cards were mine to being chased by clerks trying to hit me over the head with the discount.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

The day after my 60th birthday I discovered jowls and a turkey neck. Wrinkles appeared where there were none before. And although almost every hair on my body fell out, my chin decided to make up for it. You know that song about, “Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”. . . . well, you could substitute the word breasts for ears. And then there are those arms. I never knew I was related to Rocky the Flying Squirrel!

Who Ya Gonna Call?

The hard answer is there ain’t nobody to call. You learn to adjust. You learn to live with it. We can’t do much about getting old unless you can afford plastic surgery and that is still a temporary fix. You have to start taking a bit better care of yourself. If you don’t moisturize now, you’re gonna turn into an alligator.

Reality

The reality is that I’ve been blessed with a long life. It hasn’t always been good, but it hasn’t always been bad either. It’s been. . . life. Ups, downs, all-arounds. And so now I’m coasting on the down side. It’s okay.

So What Does One Do?

Enjoy it. What other choice do you really have? Age brings some wisdom. Not much, but some. Consider yourself lucky to have lived this long. Wake up every morning and be thankful. Enjoy your day. Not always easy, I know, but. . .

Now It’s Your Turn

When did you notice you had gotten old? What happened? What parts of you are old? LOL If you would like to share, please leave a comment. I promise not to giggle.

See ya next time!

REVIEW: Swimsuits For (Almost) All

Review, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 242017

Company Name: Swimsuits For All

Size Range: They claim sizes 4 to 34 (see the commentary)

Shoes: No

Trendy: Everything from old frump to the latest designer swimsuit trends

Overall Rating (out of 10): 7

Last week, we took a humorous look at my hunt for the perfect swimsuit. Today I received a catalog from Swimsuits For All. The suits were beautiful and the sale was hot! There were no sizes listed in the catalog, however, so I hit the website.

Swimsuits For All claims they have suits from sizes 4 through 34; hence the name. They do have a lot of suits! The catalog says thousands and that’s probably accurate. My problem is with the “all.” Read on.

The Suits

Swimsuits For All has every style of suit and cover-up imaginable. You want a tankini? They’ve got ‘em. You want a bikini? Tons. You want a one-piece? Tons of tons. You want a size 34? Not so many.

The Sizing

Extended size bathing suit from Swimsuits for All

Molokai Classic Shortini, comes in a size 34, $54.60

Now before I start this, I have to tell you that I did NOT look at every single suit on their extensive website. I did search for about an hour looking for extended sizes specifically for this post. I have ordered a swimskirt from this company and it is nice for what I paid for it. It’s a size 16. I’m a very short size 14-16. (I didn’t order the 14 because of Jabba the Gut.) Most of the really good suits are up through size 22, some go up to a 24. Above that, it’s iffy and you have to hunt.

Swimsuits For All has a search-by-size bar at the top. Nice, right? You click on your size and it brings up available suits. It worked when I put in size 16. Putting in size 34 brought up mostly suits available through a size 24. I got ONE suit in size 34, pictured here. Admittedly, they are having a hot sale and a lot of sizes were sold out. Quite honestly, a decent tankini in size 34 for only $54.60 is a good deal, not to mention you can choose your top and bottom size separately. But still, I only found the one.

The Fit

The one item I’ve purchased fit well. The size charts seem to be standard ladies sizing. I would double-check the item description before ordering, though, in case there are special sizing instructions for that particular suit.

Condesa Bikini up to size 22 by Ashley Graham x, $61.60

The Price

If you wear a size 6, you can get a reasonably-priced, fashionable swimsuit pretty much anywhere. But if you want a fashionable suit in a larger size, you’re going to have to pay for it. Larger is relative. Some suits are the same price through a size 14, 16 or 18. Some brands charge more for 18 through 24. The price can increase even more for sizes above a 24.

That being said, the pricing that I saw on the Swimsuits For All website is really good. There is a sale going on right now (I suspect these are frequent) and there is also a coupon across the top of the site. The current special is free 3-day shipping with a $100 purchase plus 30 to 50% off. Not too shabby.

Special Deals

There is a coupon banner at the top of the site. There is also a “Share-A-Friend” referral form on the top of the website. When you submit someone’s email and they purchase, you both get 40% off. Nice!

Beautiful Poppies sarong front through size 24, $44.80

Shipping, Exchanges & Returns

Shipping via FedEx Standard is $8.99. Other higher-priced options for expedited delivery are available. Watch for shipping specials!

Exchanges are easy. There is a prepaid label that comes with your package and you will receive an E-gift card for the price you paid (minus original shipping) that you can use to purchase a new suit or the same suit in a different size.

If you want to return for credit, you have to ship it back yourself and pay for it. Note that the suit MUST have the panty protective strip intact and be in original, as-shipped, condition with tags attached. Once your return is received, the purchase price (minus the original shipping) will be refunded to your original payment method.

My Overall Impression

Swimsuits For All has a big, flashy website with gorgeous photography! It’s definitely a fun shopping experience for something that is a nightmare for many of us. The fact that you can choose top and bottom sizes separately on two-piece suits is a big plus. Their price points seem very reasonable. Their strength lies in the variety and sheer number of suits they offer.

However, most of the choices are in sizes 4 through 22. If you wear above a 22, your choices become more limited. Still, you will find things here in larger sizes that you will probably not find anywhere else, especially if you live in a small town. Except in the larger cities, the likelihood of finding a decent swimsuit above a size 16/18 in your local brick and mortar is not good. And let’s be honest, who wants to hit the beach in an ugly swimsuit? Swimsuits For All can help you avoid that. If you don’t have your swimsuit(s) for this season yet, I think they’re at least worth a look-see.

See ya next time!

Do You (Still) Check Your Self-Esteem At The Door?

Good Advice, Life's Little Observations, Musings, Rant Lite, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 222017

Self-love. Self-esteem. Self-worth. A lot of us didn’t have much as teens. The sad part of it is a lot of us still don’t have too much. It’s a crying shame. Most of us have wonderful things to offer to this thing we call life. But many of us don’t offer them up because society tells us we don’t look “acceptable,” that we don’t fit in. . . because we’re larger or smaller than the average bear, we don’t have the right hair, we’re the wrong color or some other ridiculous reason. So we run and hide. Is this you? If it is, read on.

It’s How I Was Raised

That line was my mother’s BS excuse for why she could never change. “It’s how I was raised.” Well, most readers of this blog were raised in an age that taught us it’s all about others. Caring for and about others is a grand thing, provided you realize that YOU need some of that caring, too. Many of us didn’t and still don’t. I didn’t. It was all *them* and never me. It was instilled in me from a young age. I was fat, ugly and good for nothing. I owed my life to others because mine wasn’t worth it. And when it comes from your mother, it’s hard to tell yourself it’s wrong. Suffice it to say, by the time I was a young maid, there was nothing resembling self-esteem or self-worth anywhere near my soul.

Sometimes We Get Lucky

Despite my lack of self-esteem, there was one young man who saw through it all. He thought I was worth something. He thought I was beautiful. I still think he’s crazy, but he’s been hanging around for almost 50 years so maybe some of it’s true, eh? He taught me about unconditional love. Sadly, I didn’t understand that for a long, long, long time. It’s changing now. Better late than never, as they say.

What Society Tells Us

I probably don’t have to tell you that our culture in the U.S. says that to be worthy you should be tall, thin and preferably blonde OR have a big ass like Kim K. That’s acceptable because that turns you into a sexual object. Well, guess what? NOT OKAY. We are all worthy and sex should have nuttin’ honey to do with it.

I don’t know about you, but me, myself and I, for one, am getting tired of being told I don’t measure up. I think it’s time some of us pull ourselves up to our full height, whatever it may be, and start to show society that we can shine just as brightly as what it calls stars. I use that term very loosely. We’re the stars, ladies. We’re the ones who raise kids, work, create art, fix cars, do the rocket science (think Hidden Figures) and make this bright blue marble go ‘round.

What We Can Do

What can we do to counter society? Show ‘em they’re wrong. . . and I mean WRONG! How? Start by NOT. HIDING. Wear the bright clothing. Stand up front in the photos (very hard for me). Sing, dance, paint, do what it is you do and crow about it!!! Stick out that newly-found self-esteem! USE. IT. Don’t hide because you’re old, fat, not what society thinks is pretty or a combination of all the above. If you need inspiration, just look at my pic. I’m not any of it and I am starting to put it out there. Yeah, it’s cathartic for me, but it’s also fact. What fact? Like the old L’Oreal commercial used to say, “You’re worth it.” Yeah, I am. And so are you.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Where are you? I know I’m not the only Old Busted Hotness around. There is strength in numbers. Start taking care of YOU if you haven’t been. Do you want a nice hair style? Get it. Would you feel better with your nails done? Get ‘em done. Want to take a college course? Go take it! Now I’m NOT telling you to break the bank here. But there are little things that can make you feel better about being you. Do them. Enjoy them. And then get out there proudly. Hold your beautiful head up high and show the world what you’ve got. STOP. HIDING. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Breaking Good

I am breaking new ground every single day. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s great. Some of it I need to try again. And again. And again. I was 40 years old before I could look at myself in a ladies room mirror because I was told I didn’t deserve to be putting on makeup and combing my hair like “normal” folks. Now when I walk into a public bathroom, I stare down that mirror!!! And, yeah, it stares back, but I no longer hate what I see. It has taken me a lot of years to get to this point. I’m just grateful I made it before check-out time.

The Point

My point is. . . . you are who you are. You are special, more special than you know. Do not check your self-esteem anywhere. Let your light shine. This world needs us old broads. They may not know it yet, but they DO. We have wisdom. We have knowledge. We have beauty. We know what it takes. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. Now it’s time to let the world know what we’ve got. Who’s with me?

See ya next time!

REVIEW: The British Are Coming! Simply Be and JD Williams

Review, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 192017

Company Names: Simply Be and JD Williams

Size Range: Simply Be 8 to 28, JD Williams 6 to 28, all one price! (US sizing)

Shoes: Yes, in US sizes 6 – 10, E and EEE fit (regular and wide) Great Boots in season!

Trendy: Simply Be is. JD Williams is a bit more classic.

Overall Rating (out of 10): 8

A nice basic baby doll dress from Simply Be

Simply Be baby doll dress $40.99

The British are definitely coming and it’s about time! I first heard of Simply Be a few years back on The Curvy Fashionista blog. I went to the website, fell in love with it and soon began getting catalogs. Catalogs for Simply Be’s *older sister* JD Williams followed. They are the same home company, but they cater to somewhat different tastes. Simply Be is younger, kickier. JD Williams, while quite fashionable, is a bit more laid back and they have absolutely gorgeous formal clothing.

The Clothing

Simply Be, as I said before, is kicky, young, spot-on fashion trendy. While I don’t get all of my clothing from them, I’ve gotten quite a few pieces. I may be Old Busted Hotness but that doesn’t mean I prefer to look old. LOL Here you’ll find all kinds of jeans, hot tops, jackets, cute dresses, swimwear, intimates, sleepwear, great shoes and some of the currently hot Brit designers like Lovedrobe and Scarlett & Jo.

JD Williams is a little more classic. The clothing is still fashionable, but it’s geared to a slightly older clientele if you go by the models and the styles. The clothing is beautiful and not quite as country club classic as, say, Talbots. However, if you need a gawjeous mother-of-the-bride-or-groom dress, take a look at JD Williams. You will also find nice day dresses, slacks, lots of tops, intimates, sleepwear and shoes.

Vintage-look top from Joe Browns, $67.50

Joe Browns

Both companies carry the Joe Browns line. Joe Browns is kicky, youngish, boho, vintage, 60s. . . call it what you will. If you like a more retro look, Joe Browns is for you. Available in the same 8 to 28 size range, same one price strategy. I have a few Joe Browns summer dresses that I simply adore!

Sizing

Sizing is 8 to 28 and ALL AT THE SAME LOW PRICE! Sorry to scream, but this is a feature I love. I tend to patronize more stores that offer one size range and price for all. Both Simply Be and JD Williams carry some petites and talls (called short and long), mainly in jeans, pants and longer dresses. Carefully check the item description for individual lengths. Sizes are US on the links provided so no conversions necessary! One more. . . Simply Be uses models larger than a soup bone, too! (But not so much JD Williams. . . sigh.)

Fit

In my opinion, having purchased from both stores, their fit is true to size. Now that being said, I have returned one or two items to JD Williams as I purchased packages of tops and the sizing in the package wasn’t consistent. I understand retailers nowadays get things from more than one manufacturer, not to mention that sizing in women’s clothing is all over the map. (More on this in a future post.) Other than this, I’ve been pleased to find that their sizing is rather consistent throughout.

Returns and Exchanges

Shipping is free over US$40 and your order will arrive in 8 to 12 business days. Expedited tracking is available at an additional charge. Both companies offer F-R-E-E- returns, making them extra convenient to purchase from.

JD Williams, Joaanna Hope dress, $79.99

Price

I always want to say not cheap, but compared to what? If you compare these clothing retailers to Walmart, yeah, NOT CHEAP. Guidelines are hard to give. Dresses are in the $50 to $100 range, but there are lots of coupons and ways to get things for a better price. Also, the quality and style is much better than anything you may find at Wally’s.

Jeans are in the $40 to $80 range. Both retailers have a gazillion different styles of jeans. Get on their mailing lists for coupons and sales. And don’t forget about my fave coupon place, Retail Me Not. Their credit cards give you extra discounts and rewards for dollars spent.

There are less-expensive offerings, $30 to $50 dresses and jeans from $25 to $40. Look around. You may be able to find just what you want at a very reasonable price!

My Overall Impression

Up top, I gave them an 8 out of 10. I can hear you now. . . if you like them so much, OBH, why not run up the 10 paddle? My one not-so-happy thought is that I feel their websites are difficult to negotiate. If you get an ad from them in the email and click on a specific item, it brings you to the front page of the store. You have to hunt. Admittedly, this is a pet peeve of mine. It’s inconvenient. Searching for items is a bear, too. It feels to me like you get anything other than what you put in the search box. But if you like to browse, it’s an easy time of fun shopping. And, yes, I do love both stores!

See ya Monday!

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