Carla Ives, Author at Old Busted Hotness

Carla Ives

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REVIEW: Swimsuits For (Almost) All

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May 242017

Company Name: Swimsuits For All

Size Range: They claim sizes 4 to 34 (see the commentary)

Shoes: No

Trendy: Everything from old frump to the latest designer swimsuit trends

Overall Rating (out of 10): 7

Last week, we took a humorous look at my hunt for the perfect swimsuit. Today I received a catalog from Swimsuits For All. The suits were beautiful and the sale was hot! There were no sizes listed in the catalog, however, so I hit the website.

Swimsuits For All claims they have suits from sizes 4 through 34; hence the name. They do have a lot of suits! The catalog says thousands and that’s probably accurate. My problem is with the “all.” Read on.

The Suits

Swimsuits For All has every style of suit and cover-up imaginable. You want a tankini? They’ve got ‘em. You want a bikini? Tons. You want a one-piece? Tons of tons. You want a size 34? Not so many.

The Sizing

Extended size bathing suit from Swimsuits for All

Molokai Classic Shortini, comes in a size 34, $54.60

Now before I start this, I have to tell you that I did NOT look at every single suit on their extensive website. I did search for about an hour looking for extended sizes specifically for this post. I have ordered a swimskirt from this company and it is nice for what I paid for it. It’s a size 16. I’m a very short size 14-16. (I didn’t order the 14 because of Jabba the Gut.) Most of the really good suits are up through size 22, some go up to a 24. Above that, it’s iffy and you have to hunt.

Swimsuits For All has a search-by-size bar at the top. Nice, right? You click on your size and it brings up available suits. It worked when I put in size 16. Putting in size 34 brought up mostly suits available through a size 24. I got ONE suit in size 34, pictured here. Admittedly, they are having a hot sale and a lot of sizes were sold out. Quite honestly, a decent tankini in size 34 for only $54.60 is a good deal, not to mention you can choose your top and bottom size separately. But still, I only found the one.

The Fit

The one item I’ve purchased fit well. The size charts seem to be standard ladies sizing. I would double-check the item description before ordering, though, in case there are special sizing instructions for that particular suit.

Condesa Bikini up to size 22 by Ashley Graham x, $61.60

The Price

If you wear a size 6, you can get a reasonably-priced, fashionable swimsuit pretty much anywhere. But if you want a fashionable suit in a larger size, you’re going to have to pay for it. Larger is relative. Some suits are the same price through a size 14, 16 or 18. Some brands charge more for 18 through 24. The price can increase even more for sizes above a 24.

That being said, the pricing that I saw on the Swimsuits For All website is really good. There is a sale going on right now (I suspect these are frequent) and there is also a coupon across the top of the site. The current special is free 3-day shipping with a $100 purchase plus 30 to 50% off. Not too shabby.

Special Deals

There is a coupon banner at the top of the site. There is also a “Share-A-Friend” referral form on the top of the website. When you submit someone’s email and they purchase, you both get 40% off. Nice!

Beautiful Poppies sarong front through size 24, $44.80

Shipping, Exchanges & Returns

Shipping via FedEx Standard is $8.99. Other higher-priced options for expedited delivery are available. Watch for shipping specials!

Exchanges are easy. There is a prepaid label that comes with your package and you will receive an E-gift card for the price you paid (minus original shipping) that you can use to purchase a new suit or the same suit in a different size.

If you want to return for credit, you have to ship it back yourself and pay for it. Note that the suit MUST have the panty protective strip intact and be in original, as-shipped, condition with tags attached. Once your return is received, the purchase price (minus the original shipping) will be refunded to your original payment method.

My Overall Impression

Swimsuits For All has a big, flashy website with gorgeous photography! It’s definitely a fun shopping experience for something that is a nightmare for many of us. The fact that you can choose top and bottom sizes separately on two-piece suits is a big plus. Their price points seem very reasonable. Their strength lies in the variety and sheer number of suits they offer.

However, most of the choices are in sizes 4 through 22. If you wear above a 22, your choices become more limited. Still, you will find things here in larger sizes that you will probably not find anywhere else, especially if you live in a small town. Except in the larger cities, the likelihood of finding a decent swimsuit above a size 16/18 in your local brick and mortar is not good. And let’s be honest, who wants to hit the beach in an ugly swimsuit? Swimsuits For All can help you avoid that. If you don’t have your swimsuit(s) for this season yet, I think they’re at least worth a look-see.

See ya next time!

Do You (Still) Check Your Self-Esteem At The Door?

Good Advice, Life's Little Observations, Musings, Rant Lite, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 222017

Self-love. Self-esteem. Self-worth. A lot of us didn’t have much as teens. The sad part of it is a lot of us still don’t have too much. It’s a crying shame. Most of us have wonderful things to offer to this thing we call life. But many of us don’t offer them up because society tells us we don’t look “acceptable,” that we don’t fit in. . . because we’re larger or smaller than the average bear, we don’t have the right hair, we’re the wrong color or some other ridiculous reason. So we run and hide. Is this you? If it is, read on.

It’s How I Was Raised

That line was my mother’s BS excuse for why she could never change. “It’s how I was raised.” Well, most readers of this blog were raised in an age that taught us it’s all about others. Caring for and about others is a grand thing, provided you realize that YOU need some of that caring, too. Many of us didn’t and still don’t. I didn’t. It was all *them* and never me. It was instilled in me from a young age. I was fat, ugly and good for nothing. I owed my life to others because mine wasn’t worth it. And when it comes from your mother, it’s hard to tell yourself it’s wrong. Suffice it to say, by the time I was a young maid, there was nothing resembling self-esteem or self-worth anywhere near my soul.

Sometimes We Get Lucky

Despite my lack of self-esteem, there was one young man who saw through it all. He thought I was worth something. He thought I was beautiful. I still think he’s crazy, but he’s been hanging around for almost 50 years so maybe some of it’s true, eh? He taught me about unconditional love. Sadly, I didn’t understand that for a long, long, long time. It’s changing now. Better late than never, as they say.

What Society Tells Us

I probably don’t have to tell you that our culture in the U.S. says that to be worthy you should be tall, thin and preferably blonde OR have a big ass like Kim K. That’s acceptable because that turns you into a sexual object. Well, guess what? NOT OKAY. We are all worthy and sex should have nuttin’ honey to do with it.

I don’t know about you, but me, myself and I, for one, am getting tired of being told I don’t measure up. I think it’s time some of us pull ourselves up to our full height, whatever it may be, and start to show society that we can shine just as brightly as what it calls stars. I use that term very loosely. We’re the stars, ladies. We’re the ones who raise kids, work, create art, fix cars, do the rocket science (think Hidden Figures) and make this bright blue marble go ‘round.

What We Can Do

What can we do to counter society? Show ‘em they’re wrong. . . and I mean WRONG! How? Start by NOT. HIDING. Wear the bright clothing. Stand up front in the photos (very hard for me). Sing, dance, paint, do what it is you do and crow about it!!! Stick out that newly-found self-esteem! USE. IT. Don’t hide because you’re old, fat, not what society thinks is pretty or a combination of all the above. If you need inspiration, just look at my pic. I’m not any of it and I am starting to put it out there. Yeah, it’s cathartic for me, but it’s also fact. What fact? Like the old L’Oreal commercial used to say, “You’re worth it.” Yeah, I am. And so are you.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Where are you? I know I’m not the only Old Busted Hotness around. There is strength in numbers. Start taking care of YOU if you haven’t been. Do you want a nice hair style? Get it. Would you feel better with your nails done? Get ‘em done. Want to take a college course? Go take it! Now I’m NOT telling you to break the bank here. But there are little things that can make you feel better about being you. Do them. Enjoy them. And then get out there proudly. Hold your beautiful head up high and show the world what you’ve got. STOP. HIDING. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Breaking Good

I am breaking new ground every single day. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s great. Some of it I need to try again. And again. And again. I was 40 years old before I could look at myself in a ladies room mirror because I was told I didn’t deserve to be putting on makeup and combing my hair like “normal” folks. Now when I walk into a public bathroom, I stare down that mirror!!! And, yeah, it stares back, but I no longer hate what I see. It has taken me a lot of years to get to this point. I’m just grateful I made it before check-out time.

The Point

My point is. . . . you are who you are. You are special, more special than you know. Do not check your self-esteem anywhere. Let your light shine. This world needs us old broads. They may not know it yet, but they DO. We have wisdom. We have knowledge. We have beauty. We know what it takes. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. Now it’s time to let the world know what we’ve got. Who’s with me?

See ya next time!

REVIEW: The British Are Coming! Simply Be and JD Williams

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May 192017

Company Names: Simply Be and JD Williams

Size Range: Simply Be 8 to 28, JD Williams 6 to 28, all one price! (US sizing)

Shoes: Yes, in US sizes 6 – 10, E and EEE fit (regular and wide) Great Boots in season!

Trendy: Simply Be is. JD Williams is a bit more classic.

Overall Rating (out of 10): 8

A nice basic baby doll dress from Simply Be

Simply Be baby doll dress $40.99

The British are definitely coming and it’s about time! I first heard of Simply Be a few years back on The Curvy Fashionista blog. I went to the website, fell in love with it and soon began getting catalogs. Catalogs for Simply Be’s *older sister* JD Williams followed. They are the same home company, but they cater to somewhat different tastes. Simply Be is younger, kickier. JD Williams, while quite fashionable, is a bit more laid back and they have absolutely gorgeous formal clothing.

The Clothing

Simply Be, as I said before, is kicky, young, spot-on fashion trendy. While I don’t get all of my clothing from them, I’ve gotten quite a few pieces. I may be Old Busted Hotness but that doesn’t mean I prefer to look old. LOL Here you’ll find all kinds of jeans, hot tops, jackets, cute dresses, swimwear, intimates, sleepwear, great shoes and some of the currently hot Brit designers like Lovedrobe and Scarlett & Jo.

JD Williams is a little more classic. The clothing is still fashionable, but it’s geared to a slightly older clientele if you go by the models and the styles. The clothing is beautiful and not quite as country club classic as, say, Talbots. However, if you need a gawjeous mother-of-the-bride-or-groom dress, take a look at JD Williams. You will also find nice day dresses, slacks, lots of tops, intimates, sleepwear and shoes.

Vintage-look top from Joe Browns, $67.50

Joe Browns

Both companies carry the Joe Browns line. Joe Browns is kicky, youngish, boho, vintage, 60s. . . call it what you will. If you like a more retro look, Joe Browns is for you. Available in the same 8 to 28 size range, same one price strategy. I have a few Joe Browns summer dresses that I simply adore!

Sizing

Sizing is 8 to 28 and ALL AT THE SAME LOW PRICE! Sorry to scream, but this is a feature I love. I tend to patronize more stores that offer one size range and price for all. Both Simply Be and JD Williams carry some petites and talls (called short and long), mainly in jeans, pants and longer dresses. Carefully check the item description for individual lengths. Sizes are US on the links provided so no conversions necessary! One more. . . Simply Be uses models larger than a soup bone, too! (But not so much JD Williams. . . sigh.)

Fit

In my opinion, having purchased from both stores, their fit is true to size. Now that being said, I have returned one or two items to JD Williams as I purchased packages of tops and the sizing in the package wasn’t consistent. I understand retailers nowadays get things from more than one manufacturer, not to mention that sizing in women’s clothing is all over the map. (More on this in a future post.) Other than this, I’ve been pleased to find that their sizing is rather consistent throughout.

Returns and Exchanges

Shipping is free over US$40 and your order will arrive in 8 to 12 business days. Expedited tracking is available at an additional charge. Both companies offer F-R-E-E- returns, making them extra convenient to purchase from.

JD Williams, Joaanna Hope dress, $79.99

Price

I always want to say not cheap, but compared to what? If you compare these clothing retailers to Walmart, yeah, NOT CHEAP. Guidelines are hard to give. Dresses are in the $50 to $100 range, but there are lots of coupons and ways to get things for a better price. Also, the quality and style is much better than anything you may find at Wally’s.

Jeans are in the $40 to $80 range. Both retailers have a gazillion different styles of jeans. Get on their mailing lists for coupons and sales. And don’t forget about my fave coupon place, Retail Me Not. Their credit cards give you extra discounts and rewards for dollars spent.

There are less-expensive offerings, $30 to $50 dresses and jeans from $25 to $40. Look around. You may be able to find just what you want at a very reasonable price!

My Overall Impression

Up top, I gave them an 8 out of 10. I can hear you now. . . if you like them so much, OBH, why not run up the 10 paddle? My one not-so-happy thought is that I feel their websites are difficult to negotiate. If you get an ad from them in the email and click on a specific item, it brings you to the front page of the store. You have to hunt. Admittedly, this is a pet peeve of mine. It’s inconvenient. Searching for items is a bear, too. It feels to me like you get anything other than what you put in the search box. But if you like to browse, it’s an easy time of fun shopping. And, yes, I do love both stores!

See ya Monday!

Swimsuit Season: Do Boobs Come With That Suit?

Life's Little Observations, Musings, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 172017

It’s the time of year dreaded by all, especially by those who are not young, slim or anything close to the beauty standards of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. It’s Swimsuit Season! Are you resigned to going to the beach or pool in tank or tee and shorts? Understood. That was my summer wardrobe, too, but no more. Old Busted Hotness is breakin’ out her Old Busted Flab. (More about those boobs to come.)

I haz swimsuit! (Me so happy. . . 🙂 )

The Big Boob Caper

Ashley Graham x Swimsuits For All Princesa Tropic Bikini, (linked in post) sale price $58

Have you seen the latest craze in plus-size swimwear? Due to the fabulous rise in body positivity, larger gals in two-piecers are proudly showing off their tummies. The models are freakin’ gorgeous and toned! My amazement comes, however, not from the tops of the suits but the tops of those models! To be more than a bit crude. . . . where’d they get those knockers? I didn’t think I was a slouch in the boob department, but I couldn’t fill those cups with my ass. Age and weight loss have taken their toll and if things don’t stop, pretty soon I’m gonna need fluffy gym socks to fill out my C cups.

Beach Pain

I remember being happy as a little kid on the beach. Truth be told, I’m always happy on the beach. But that’s before I was humiliated for being fat. Once in middle school, I had a two-piece suit. It wasn’t a bikini. It was what they called a hipster. It was green. My Grandmom bought it for me. My mother was beyond mortified. People were gonna see her kid’s fat rolls. OH, THE HORROR, THE SHAME!!! I was a junior size 11, huge in my mother’s eyes. Oh, to be that size now.

From here on out, nice tank suits were the name of the game. But as I got teased and humiliated at the beach by both men and women, I decided it was time to revert to the tank tops and shorts. . . or wrap myself in a beach towel. And as much as I loved the beach, I just avoided it. Too painful.

This is Ashley Stewart's power mesh swim top

Power Mesh Swim Top from Ashley Stewart, Reg. Price $54.50

Back to the Boob Suits

So I decided those big boob suits were just mock-ups for the model at hand and started ordering. Surely those cups couldn’t be that size in real life. Wanna bet? I looked like the old joke about the kid who proudly marches up to her teacher and announces she’s wearing a training bra. To which said teacher sweetly replies, “But what are you training, honey?” UGH

Last year, I bought a one-piece suit. It’s wearable, but the leg holes are too big and it fits a little funny. My parts are different sizes. Tankinis allow a better fit with separates. And don’t say the words “swim dress” to me. Those words scream old lady loud and clear and bring back my childhood shame. 🙁

Pandora Beachy Blooms Tankini Top – Miraclesuit® available from Talbots online, reg. price $89.50

Success!

It took quite a bit of searching and returning, but. . . I finally have a great-fitting tankini top courtesy of Talbots. Yeah, the place I call the Muffy & Buffy store came through. Not usually my cup of tea. But one day, a gorgeous swimsuit popped up on my Facebook page and I clicked on it. To my amazement, it was Talbots!!! I scanned down the page and saw a tankini top in the same beautiful print. It was on sale and I got an online coupon for a massive percentage off. This place ain’t cheap! When I pulled it out of the package, I thought. . . . hmmm, maybe? And the best part? I would not need to stuff honeydew melons in the cups to fill them out. I put it on and modeled it for Ray. His eyes lit up. It’s in my drawer.

I’m planning on wearing it with a pair of black bike shorts from Fabletics. I also ordered a black swim skirt from Swimsuits for All. And, yes, I know what I said about a swim dress, but this doesn’t look like one, even with the skirt.

So when you go to the beach in South Jersey this year, if you see a (very) short, fat old broad with caramel-colored hair sticking straight up, give me a wave. And if fluffy gym socks fall out of my bra, just palm ‘em discreetly and give ‘em back to me later, K?

See ya Friday with a great review!

Panty Raid!

Life's Little Observations, Rant Lite, Rants, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 152017

Panties, undies, choners, unmentionables or whatever you call them, we all need ‘em unless, that is, you’re a commando type of gal. There are a gazillion styles out there now in all sizes. But if you don’t want granny panties and you’re not quite ready for what I lovingly call butt floss, how do you find something comfortable in between? What follows is a humorous look at my (frustrating) hunt for the perfect panties.

Body Oddities

Due to surgery and stomach muscle removal from a nasty little thing called MRSA, I am plagued with Jabba the Gut and the relatively flat ass I was born with. Therefore, while I don’t quite want grannie panties, hipsters and bikinis don’t work for me. They’re uncomfortable and create more rolls than Pillsbury. However, I do have certain demands for what is under my jeans. No tighty-whities. I was forced into white undies from diapers till I left home. I was taught you gotta be able to bleach “da curse” outta them. Well, I’ve been spayed since 1998, so no more. Now I like ’em wild and colorful!!!

My Preferences

(1) MUST be cotton
(2) MUST be stretch cotton (due to said problem with Jabba the Gut)
(3) MUST have a fairly strong waistband
(4) MUST come all the way up to my waisted line
(5) MUST not need a personal loan from the bank to afford
(6) Did I already say they MUST be loud and colorful? 🙂

The Perfect Panties That Were

These were the Avenue originals I was happy with for years until I found Lane Bryant’s

I found the perfect panties that met all these requirements a few years back at Avenue. And then one day I found an even better version of the style at Lane Bryant. So I started buying them there. I would wait for the semi-annual sales and buy 6-8 pair at a time.

Last year, my body told me it needed to be smaller. I have movement issues and it’s not rocket science to know that a smaller body is easier to move through the time/space continuum. The birth of a very feisty grandbaby to chase brought this home even more. So when I could pull my fave Lane Bryant panties up over my boobs, I happily trotted back to LB for new ones, a size smaller.

And then came the day that I happily trotted back to Lane Bryant to get the next size down. . . only to discover there was NO next size down. “No problem,” says I. I will simply find them elsewhere a size smaller. “HAH HAH HAH,” says the fashion industry.

What I Wanted

These are the Jockeys I wanted for history’s and other sakes, but couldn’t find in a size to fit me

I decided I needed Jockeys. Growing up, undies were called jockeys in my home. Then I discovered that Jockey isn’t overly fond of fat folk. The largest I found were a size 7. Maybe with stretch, but as they were? Not even with a prescription! I should clarify that they don’t seem to like fat women. Their mens’ undies come in a much wider size range. Oh, and did I mention that a 3-pack is $22.50? So no Jockeys for me. I should note here that I have just discovered that Jockey does indeed make plus sizes. Of course, these cost even more and you have to order them from their website as most stores only carry the smaller sizes.

The Hunt

Finding any type of decent full briefs is a pain in the butt (yes, pun intended). I repeat. . . I will NOT wear white granny panties. Yes, I’m a granny but. . . as previously noted more than once, I like bright colors, a decent fabric and a good waistband. Yes, I am willing to pay a little more for these features. But finding it? Nobody wants my money. . . or so it seems.

First stop, the internet. I decided to search. And search and search and. . . . well, you get the idea. Yes, my searches were specific. I would put in “stretch cotton ladies briefs” and would get. . . microfiber panties, nylon panties, bikini panties, hipster panties, the aforementioned butt floss and on and on and on and on. Did you not notice, Google, that I said stretch cotton briefs? And I thought you were my friend. 🙁

Hours were spent at Walmart, Target, JC Penney, anywhere they sold ladies underwear here in Lower Cowpie Heaven. As my old ones were wearing out and/or falling down, I needed something fast. I should note here I tried a variety of specialty undies, different fabrics, cuts, etc., just in case I could fudge my standards a bit. Nope. Didn’t work.

What I Got

So I finally decide I have to buy something and pick up a package of el cheapos at Wally’s. They were high cut but it was all I could find in the size. They were very, very thin and as see-through as a sheet of Saran Wrap despite their bright patterns and colors. Actually, they fit well, but I am not a gentle old lady by any means. I tend to yank things up and down and the waistband tore on the first wearing. Oh well, they’re tucked away for when I forget to do the wash. I should note here for those who can wear them, there is a new brand at Walmart, Target, etc. called Fit For Me that are wonderful. They start at size 9. I would have adored these a few years ago.

Next came Fruit of the Loom. Good ‘ole reliable Fruit of the Loom. We hunted. We searched. We damn near threw packages of underwear on the floor looking for the correct size. Finally, my husband spotted a package that said “briefs” and not “modern briefs,” code for just try to get these puppies up above your belly button! The Holy Grail lives! Well, all I can say is that they are somewhat better than the first ones. Nicer fabric, softer. But. . . they are much larger in the size than the first batch and still see-through thin. And a few bucks more per package.

The one-offs. I have purchased singles in a variety of places, all very disappointing. Had I found one that fit all my requirements, I would have gone back and purchased every pair in the store.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner! For now, these fit the bill from WW

Catalog to the Rescue

While perusing the Woman Within catalog for my first blog review, I thought I saw something in the panty pages. I thumbed right by. Then I went back. Surely, it couldn’t be. . . BUT IT WAS! The same kind of (yes, by all that is holy, it said stretch cotton briefs!!!) panties I had purchased at Avenue and Lane Bryant. And wonder of wonders, they came in a size smaller than what I had! A coupon made them reasonable, shipping included, so I placed an order. Panty heaven, at least for now.

How About You?

What style undies do you prefer? Why? Where do you get them? Help an OBH out here, K?

See ya next time!

BTW, I am not affiliated with any of the companies featured here. I put the links in for your convenience should you decide to check ’em out. 🙂

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