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Big Fat Feet

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Jun 072017

Do you have a problem with shoes? Many women do. High heels are all the rage but, sadly, my days of wearing hot hoochie shoes are long gone. Even if they fit properly, I’d break my leg before the second step! Big fat feet can be a problem.

This is my left foot only HALF way swollen during the summer. 🙁

My Personal Tale of Woe

I have pretty straight size 9 medium feet. I can hear you now, “Those are NOT big fat feet!” Well, they are 3-5 months out of the year because my size 9 mediums swell in the summer. Horribly. Balloons. Can we spell G-O-O-D-Y-E-A-R B-L-I-M-P, boys and girls? This has been going on since I was 9 years old and I’ve never quite gotten used to it. I have to keep a couple of pairs of wide or wide-wide summer shoes for when the feet get huge. Barefoot doesn’t work for everything.

Your Feet Change

Would you be amazed if I told you many of my size 4 friends have wide feet? It’s really not totally related to weight. Did you know that women’s feet grow and shrink with weight loss, childbirth and age? They do. Maybe you didn’t always have big fat or wide feet. Here’s a few ways they can change.

If you gain weight, you may need bigger shoes. I’ve been told by more than a few doctors that if you gain significant weight, you develop fat pads on the bottoms of your feet, on the sides of your feet and even in your toes. Conversely, if you lose a lot of weight your shoe size may decrease.

Childbirth causes many changes, including foot size. Sometimes, your feet shrink back and sometimes they don’t.

Aging can sometimes give you bigger feet, too. So if you were a size 7 in high school, there’s a good chance that life grabbed you by the big toe and you are no longer a size 7 now.

Cute Shoes

Let’s face it, all women want cute shoes, even those of us with big fat feet. When I was a young woman, wide shoes were definitely not cute. Now? You have a gazillion choices. And, yes, even hot hoochie heels if you can wear them! The choices are really endless and they are readily available in most places.

Brannock devices are accurate for foot measuring

Brannock Device. This is the most accurate way to get your correct foot size.

Know Your Size

In a moment, I’m going to give you a whole bunch of links where you can get really cute shoes in many sizes and widths. But before you order, do you know your accurate shoe size? Don’t laugh. Experts claim that many women actually don’t know their correct shoe size or, if they do, they stuff their feet into smaller shoes. Oh, the pain!

Find a Brannock device (see pic), you know, that thing you stick your feet in and move the top and side sliders until it fits your foot? Make sure your foot is not squeezed and you leave yourself some toe room. Have a shoe professional measure you, if possible. Nobody sees the size of your shoes so even if it’s a number you don’t like, who’s gonna notice?

Now Let’s Go Shopping

Now that you know the correct size, let’s go shopping! One of the very best places to get wide and/or large shoes is Woman Within. You can also get the shoes at Roamans or Jessica London (same parent company). They have it all. Cute sandals, high heels, pumps, gym shoes, you name it. And most of it comes in sizes 7 through 12, Medium, Wide and Wide-Wide. Check the item description of each pair to make sure the shoes you want come in your size. They also have their own brand called Comfortview. I’ve owned many. The comfort is real.

Woman Within
Roamans
Jessica London

Remember me telling you about Simply Be and JD Williams a few weeks back? They have lots of cute shoes, too, and most of them come in wide width. Some come in extra wide. When you shop from the USA websites, the sizes have been converted from the British.

Simply Be
JD Williams

Just this past Friday, we talked about Torrid. They have really, really, REALLY cute shoes, but in wide width only. And for those of you with Barney Rubble feet, they come in sizes 6 and 6.5 WIDE, very difficult to find in most places.

Torrid

Here are a few more places to look. As always, check out the item description carefully for each item you’re interested in. Many large retailers get their shoes from different manufacturers. Look for notes that say something like, “Runs small. Order up a half-size.” (Or a whole size!) And read the reviews from folks who have already purchased the shoes. That’s where you find the real scoop.

Amazon has everything, including shoes. . . tons and tons of shoes.
Limited styles but nice shoes available from Lane Bryant and Catherines.
QVC has many name brands in wide widths.
Same for Home Shopping Network.
And don’t forget the monstrous online shoe store Zappos.

The Bottom Line

If you are a shoe diva with big fat feet, you no longer have to settle for ugly shoes or basic styles. Many brick and mortar retailers are now carrying wide-width and larger size shoes. Online, the sky’s the limit! As always, once you find a brand that fits well, stick with it. Now hit the dance floor!

See ya next time!

When Your Parts Don’t Match

Life's Little Observations, Musings, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 312017

Do your parts make up the classic female figure? You know, the one with the defined waist and matching bust and hips, ye olde 36-24-36 Marilyn Monroe ideal, give or take a few inches (or a few dozen inches).

Mine don’t. Simply put, my parts don’t match. So if you’re like me, finding a good fit is possible, but it’s gonna take some superb investigation skills to find clothes that you love and clothes that fit.

Jabba the Gut

I joke a lot about Jabba the Gut. When it comes to dressing, though, Jabba is no joke. My stomach muscles were surgically removed due to MRSA. I am lucky to be alive. I realize that. But, sadly, I tend to look about 16 months pregnant without the Spanx I wear almost 24/7. Pants are a particular nightmare. I get them on my legs and up to my hips, yank up the back over my (flat) butt and then Jabba does his best Gandalf imitation, screaming YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! Seriously.

The Body Shapes

According to the fashion industry, female bodies come in basically four shapes: apple, pear, hourglass (the lucky ones), and rectangle. I was always told I was an apple. Found out later I was more of a larger rectangle. Never had much of a defined waist, even before Jabba came on the scene. The hourglass is the most desirable female figure but the pear shape is the most common. A lot of the plus-size models that are super popular right now are simply hourglass gals blown up a bit from the standard size. All shapes have fit problems, even the desired hourglass who may not want to look so. . . . well. . . .hourglassy!

Pear shapes have well-defined upper halves and usually smaller waists, wide hips, a bigger butt and meaty thighs. Making both halves look good at the same time is the challenge.

Apples (sounds like a fruit salad, eh?) need to define a shape. I used to joke. . . . hey, round IS a shape! Yes, it is and one that’s very hard to dress.

Rectangles are kind of squished in apples, more what society calls a “boyish figure” no matter what size. As with apples, the trick is to create a more defined shape.

Lest We Forget Boobs

Boobs are desirable, right? Well, men and Hollywood seem to think so, but gals who are “well-endowed by their Creator” have fit problems, too, especially when your girls are not in proportion to the rest of your body. A really good bra is a must, preferably one that supports, doesn’t gap in front and doesn’t dig into your shoulders. Although a small woman, my mother had very large breasts and she had permanent strap digs in her shoulders until she passed from this earth.

Fitting Your Flaws

When your parts don’t match, you have to learn what works for you and what doesn’t. What you like may have to take a back seat. Comfort may go by the wayside, too.

After many years of searching, I have found one or two styles of dresses I like and think look okay on me. One major defeat, however, is the dreaded elastic waist pants. Honestly? I hate them. Realistically? Not much choice. Jabba snickers. I found the best fitting pair of jeans for me have a lot of stretch. My arthritic fingers can’t do the three buttons at the top so I just yank them up and down, like they had an elastic waist. These jeans fit me about as well as anything does. Moral of the story: You win some, you lose some.

So What’s A Girl To Do?

Search, try on, search, try on. . . lather, rinse, repeat. See what you like and what you think looks good on you. Get an opinion from someone you whose opinion you truly value. Trust me when I tell you we are not always our own best advocates. When you find a brand you love and fits well, buy it up. And then next time you go to church, light candles with a blow torch and pray that they don’t discontinue the line.

Your Turn

Are you the classic hourglass (LUCKY YOU!!!) or an apple, pear or rectangle? What do you do to create a shape you like better, if anything? Do you have tips for your sisters out there struggling with parts that don’t match? Please leave a comment and help us out. I’m always on the lookout for a better fit.

As far as a perfect fit goes, though, I’m afraid it’s a bit like the X-Files. . . . the truth is out there. Problem is. . . Scully and Mulder haven’t found it yet and neither have most of us. 🙂

See ya next time!

If You’re Old And You Know It Flap Your Arms

Life's Little Observations, Musings, Uncategorized 2 Responses »

May 262017

Most of my readers on this blog are well over the age of consent or, as I like to think about it, aged to perfection! However, our warped society calls us old. So, yes, I’ll accept that. I’m not sure I’d have it any other way. I will display my wrinkles and flap my arms proudly. I’ve earned it all.

Dreaming

Wouldn’t I like to be young, svelte and HOT once more? I guess somewhere in a dream state. Yeah, I was young, but I was never svelte or what was considered hot. I was me. I was a nerd. I was dependable and loyal but definitely not the object of any young man’s dreams. (Well, maybe one and I married him. LOL)

The Brutal Attack of the Old Age Fairy

I was one of those disgusting folks who was carded in a liquor store until I was 35. I had what the relatives lovingly called a “baby face.” And I held that well into my 50s. Nobody ever guessed my age correctly, including doctors.

But when I turned 60, the Old Age Fairy attacked and waged a shock and awe campaign on this gal. 🙁 To this day, I don’t know what I did to piss her off so badly, but she hit me and hit me hard. I went from nobody believing my senior discount cards were mine to being chased by clerks trying to hit me over the head with the discount.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

The day after my 60th birthday I discovered jowls and a turkey neck. Wrinkles appeared where there were none before. And although almost every hair on my body fell out, my chin decided to make up for it. You know that song about, “Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro”. . . . well, you could substitute the word breasts for ears. And then there are those arms. I never knew I was related to Rocky the Flying Squirrel!

Who Ya Gonna Call?

The hard answer is there ain’t nobody to call. You learn to adjust. You learn to live with it. We can’t do much about getting old unless you can afford plastic surgery and that is still a temporary fix. You have to start taking a bit better care of yourself. If you don’t moisturize now, you’re gonna turn into an alligator.

Reality

The reality is that I’ve been blessed with a long life. It hasn’t always been good, but it hasn’t always been bad either. It’s been. . . life. Ups, downs, all-arounds. And so now I’m coasting on the down side. It’s okay.

So What Does One Do?

Enjoy it. What other choice do you really have? Age brings some wisdom. Not much, but some. Consider yourself lucky to have lived this long. Wake up every morning and be thankful. Enjoy your day. Not always easy, I know, but. . .

Now It’s Your Turn

When did you notice you had gotten old? What happened? What parts of you are old? LOL If you would like to share, please leave a comment. I promise not to giggle.

See ya next time!

Do You (Still) Check Your Self-Esteem At The Door?

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May 222017

Self-love. Self-esteem. Self-worth. A lot of us didn’t have much as teens. The sad part of it is a lot of us still don’t have too much. It’s a crying shame. Most of us have wonderful things to offer to this thing we call life. But many of us don’t offer them up because society tells us we don’t look “acceptable,” that we don’t fit in. . . because we’re larger or smaller than the average bear, we don’t have the right hair, we’re the wrong color or some other ridiculous reason. So we run and hide. Is this you? If it is, read on.

It’s How I Was Raised

That line was my mother’s BS excuse for why she could never change. “It’s how I was raised.” Well, most readers of this blog were raised in an age that taught us it’s all about others. Caring for and about others is a grand thing, provided you realize that YOU need some of that caring, too. Many of us didn’t and still don’t. I didn’t. It was all *them* and never me. It was instilled in me from a young age. I was fat, ugly and good for nothing. I owed my life to others because mine wasn’t worth it. And when it comes from your mother, it’s hard to tell yourself it’s wrong. Suffice it to say, by the time I was a young maid, there was nothing resembling self-esteem or self-worth anywhere near my soul.

Sometimes We Get Lucky

Despite my lack of self-esteem, there was one young man who saw through it all. He thought I was worth something. He thought I was beautiful. I still think he’s crazy, but he’s been hanging around for almost 50 years so maybe some of it’s true, eh? He taught me about unconditional love. Sadly, I didn’t understand that for a long, long, long time. It’s changing now. Better late than never, as they say.

What Society Tells Us

I probably don’t have to tell you that our culture in the U.S. says that to be worthy you should be tall, thin and preferably blonde OR have a big ass like Kim K. That’s acceptable because that turns you into a sexual object. Well, guess what? NOT OKAY. We are all worthy and sex should have nuttin’ honey to do with it.

I don’t know about you, but me, myself and I, for one, am getting tired of being told I don’t measure up. I think it’s time some of us pull ourselves up to our full height, whatever it may be, and start to show society that we can shine just as brightly as what it calls stars. I use that term very loosely. We’re the stars, ladies. We’re the ones who raise kids, work, create art, fix cars, do the rocket science (think Hidden Figures) and make this bright blue marble go ‘round.

What We Can Do

What can we do to counter society? Show ‘em they’re wrong. . . and I mean WRONG! How? Start by NOT. HIDING. Wear the bright clothing. Stand up front in the photos (very hard for me). Sing, dance, paint, do what it is you do and crow about it!!! Stick out that newly-found self-esteem! USE. IT. Don’t hide because you’re old, fat, not what society thinks is pretty or a combination of all the above. If you need inspiration, just look at my pic. I’m not any of it and I am starting to put it out there. Yeah, it’s cathartic for me, but it’s also fact. What fact? Like the old L’Oreal commercial used to say, “You’re worth it.” Yeah, I am. And so are you.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

Where are you? I know I’m not the only Old Busted Hotness around. There is strength in numbers. Start taking care of YOU if you haven’t been. Do you want a nice hair style? Get it. Would you feel better with your nails done? Get ‘em done. Want to take a college course? Go take it! Now I’m NOT telling you to break the bank here. But there are little things that can make you feel better about being you. Do them. Enjoy them. And then get out there proudly. Hold your beautiful head up high and show the world what you’ve got. STOP. HIDING. We are a force to be reckoned with.

Breaking Good

I am breaking new ground every single day. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s great. Some of it I need to try again. And again. And again. I was 40 years old before I could look at myself in a ladies room mirror because I was told I didn’t deserve to be putting on makeup and combing my hair like “normal” folks. Now when I walk into a public bathroom, I stare down that mirror!!! And, yeah, it stares back, but I no longer hate what I see. It has taken me a lot of years to get to this point. I’m just grateful I made it before check-out time.

The Point

My point is. . . . you are who you are. You are special, more special than you know. Do not check your self-esteem anywhere. Let your light shine. This world needs us old broads. They may not know it yet, but they DO. We have wisdom. We have knowledge. We have beauty. We know what it takes. We’ve been there. We’ve done that. Now it’s time to let the world know what we’ve got. Who’s with me?

See ya next time!

Swimsuit Season: Do Boobs Come With That Suit?

Life's Little Observations, Musings, Uncategorized No Responses »

May 172017

It’s the time of year dreaded by all, especially by those who are not young, slim or anything close to the beauty standards of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. It’s Swimsuit Season! Are you resigned to going to the beach or pool in tank or tee and shorts? Understood. That was my summer wardrobe, too, but no more. Old Busted Hotness is breakin’ out her Old Busted Flab. (More about those boobs to come.)

I haz swimsuit! (Me so happy. . . 🙂 )

The Big Boob Caper

Ashley Graham x Swimsuits For All Princesa Tropic Bikini, (linked in post) sale price $58

Have you seen the latest craze in plus-size swimwear? Due to the fabulous rise in body positivity, larger gals in two-piecers are proudly showing off their tummies. The models are freakin’ gorgeous and toned! My amazement comes, however, not from the tops of the suits but the tops of those models! To be more than a bit crude. . . . where’d they get those knockers? I didn’t think I was a slouch in the boob department, but I couldn’t fill those cups with my ass. Age and weight loss have taken their toll and if things don’t stop, pretty soon I’m gonna need fluffy gym socks to fill out my C cups.

Beach Pain

I remember being happy as a little kid on the beach. Truth be told, I’m always happy on the beach. But that’s before I was humiliated for being fat. Once in middle school, I had a two-piece suit. It wasn’t a bikini. It was what they called a hipster. It was green. My Grandmom bought it for me. My mother was beyond mortified. People were gonna see her kid’s fat rolls. OH, THE HORROR, THE SHAME!!! I was a junior size 11, huge in my mother’s eyes. Oh, to be that size now.

From here on out, nice tank suits were the name of the game. But as I got teased and humiliated at the beach by both men and women, I decided it was time to revert to the tank tops and shorts. . . or wrap myself in a beach towel. And as much as I loved the beach, I just avoided it. Too painful.

This is Ashley Stewart's power mesh swim top

Power Mesh Swim Top from Ashley Stewart, Reg. Price $54.50

Back to the Boob Suits

So I decided those big boob suits were just mock-ups for the model at hand and started ordering. Surely those cups couldn’t be that size in real life. Wanna bet? I looked like the old joke about the kid who proudly marches up to her teacher and announces she’s wearing a training bra. To which said teacher sweetly replies, “But what are you training, honey?” UGH

Last year, I bought a one-piece suit. It’s wearable, but the leg holes are too big and it fits a little funny. My parts are different sizes. Tankinis allow a better fit with separates. And don’t say the words “swim dress” to me. Those words scream old lady loud and clear and bring back my childhood shame. 🙁

Pandora Beachy Blooms Tankini Top – Miraclesuit® available from Talbots online, reg. price $89.50

Success!

It took quite a bit of searching and returning, but. . . I finally have a great-fitting tankini top courtesy of Talbots. Yeah, the place I call the Muffy & Buffy store came through. Not usually my cup of tea. But one day, a gorgeous swimsuit popped up on my Facebook page and I clicked on it. To my amazement, it was Talbots!!! I scanned down the page and saw a tankini top in the same beautiful print. It was on sale and I got an online coupon for a massive percentage off. This place ain’t cheap! When I pulled it out of the package, I thought. . . . hmmm, maybe? And the best part? I would not need to stuff honeydew melons in the cups to fill them out. I put it on and modeled it for Ray. His eyes lit up. It’s in my drawer.

I’m planning on wearing it with a pair of black bike shorts from Fabletics. I also ordered a black swim skirt from Swimsuits for All. And, yes, I know what I said about a swim dress, but this doesn’t look like one, even with the skirt.

So when you go to the beach in South Jersey this year, if you see a (very) short, fat old broad with caramel-colored hair sticking straight up, give me a wave. And if fluffy gym socks fall out of my bra, just palm ‘em discreetly and give ‘em back to me later, K?

See ya Friday with a great review!

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